New Year’s meaning (2011)

Truthfully saying, I’m losing the meaning of New Year already. Not with all the celebration that I never think of much of their meaning. Up until now, I never think about the meaning of people celebrate New Year. When just now, I Google it, guess what I found? That New Year is only a tradition comes from confusion of dates from a long time ago. Or so what I thought from what I read.

After all the discussion with several of my co-workers, all of them are saying the same thing, “New Year? It’s just another night and another day for me...” Are we all hopeless people? For me, I’m looking at it as we’re a realistic people. Nothing will change much when it’s New Year. It’s not like on that day we will become someone else, with fat bank checks, new home, new everything. All of that is just a result of our everyday struggle and effort.

But why people make such a fuss over New Year? I believe that’s because they want to think that, “This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life” or “this is my new starting point to do –something-“. But if they think about it, don’t you feel that those kind of think works when you’re having birthday? That’s when you get more mature and people REALLY truly celebrate it?

But I’m also wondering why I make such a fuss over why I lose New Year’s meaning? I just don’t know. Maybe the irk I got when people asked me the question, “what you gonna do on New Year?” for several times already during this week. Or my irritation because I got nothing to do this year regarding that matter. Or it’s just that I get into my limitation of boredom today. Well… I can only wonder…

It’s CHRISTMAS EVE…

It’s CHRISTMAS EVE…

A time where people usually spend with their loved ones. Who are yours?

My loved ones, unfortunately - or should I said fortunately – is my mother. The one that live with me up until now, the one that unconditionally loves me, spend most of her time for me, and most of all, taking care of me. She, I can say this, is my Santa. Not my dad, not anyone else. Perhaps she doesn’t give me any Christmas gift now, but for me, her being is a gift itself that cannot be exchange with anything else in this world. You can say I’m a mommy’s daughter, but I won’t deny it. After all, she’s my only mother and I’m her only daughter J

At times, I want to spend Christmas with someone else, a loved one that is not blood related. Or you can say, boyfriend. Too bad, my exes are not Christian, so it is impossible to spend time with them on Christmas. My bad, I can say. But I long to have the time that I can spend with someone special in this special time of the year. After all, Christmas is my favorite time of the year where you can smell every sweet things in the air, I even can swear I can see love is in the air with all the soft lining color thread enveloping each and every individual I see. The smile in every person’s face is fascinating, and nothing is more wonderful than that.

Ah… I long to have a boyfriend… Sigh. Hahaha. Seems like I still have to spend this Christmas with my only family this year too. Oh, well… One can only hope for something new, right? :D See you next year, or perhaps when I want to write in this year too. But before that, it’s better to write:

               May the miracle of Christmas fill your heart with warmth and love

                Christmas is the time of giving and sharing

                It is the time of loving and caring

                God bless you all and Happy Holiday.

                Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Love always,

Shin

Love you like a love song (song fic)

Why I always fell for his trick again and again? Didn’t I learn my lesson yet? And yet I always fumed like this  in the end.

I think it’s an addiction itself for me. To fall again and again, even though I don’t want to. Reluctantly, yet I myself step into the same scene again. Just like a movie or a song that goes on and on. Just because I keep on hitting the repeat button. Just like I keep on doing the same mistake.

Nothing can describe the way I feel about you. Boy you played through my mind like a symphony. Perhaps that one phrase is enough, because all day I only can think about you, what you’re doing, who you are with, whether you think about me too or is it just me.

I was drowned in my own world, but you suddenly come into my sight like a dream come alive. You just don’t realize that you saved my life. There’s no way to describe what you do to me. You just do to me, what you do.

While you drifted along your own stream, you saved me. And I’m hypnotized by the charm you show, whether you know or not. And I fell for your trick, though I know that’s what saved me and set me free. I want to save this memory forever and play it over again and again. Just like my favorite song. Just like a love song.

And I realize that… I love you. It’s just as simple as that.

(A song fic from: "I Love You Like A Love Song" by Selena Gomez)

Untangling the Knot I

I’m confused. My feeling always contradicting with my brain and my heart that I become puzzled. I don’t even know what my heart is saying. Or is it my brain thinking? Or what? I don’t really know.  This is me trying to sort out the knot in my head/brain/heart/else.

It’s nice to know that I hold some value to other person, that they like me. But instantly? I don’t know. What value does they see in me? Mostly is because of outer appearance. I realize that there are many that find me beautiful, and most of them would say I got great body. Not that I need reminder about it too. In fact the most thing I hate about me is perhaps my body. It sorta give me such…. Embarrassment, especially living in a place like “kampung” where people really look up to you if you’re different than them.

I know that if I live elsewhere, not in the current  country, I won’t think too much about my body at all because there will be more like me out there. But here? I’m just outstanding, whether I like it or not. It’s like the life’s saying, “You’re stuck. Now live with it”. I know that, but what can I do? I just don’t really like to be a center of attention, and I never try too much to be one. It’s just unconsciously I stand out. That’s all.

As for man/boy problem, I feel that their feeling is questionable. Why? I think I’m a bit skeptical with their motives. In this day and era, the motive of “getting between your legs” is too common and too easy to see that I never can see them at face value. I’ve met too many people that want me just to lay down and do the nasty with me that I don’t want to be involved with anyone with the gender of “Male” in their ID card. But it seems my bitterness doesn’t really show up or… do male think that it’s an adventure to get me down?

Which make me think of something really absurd. Why don’t I get married to ‘repel’ those pests? But that requires me to… get in touch again with the world and its nastiness. Gosh. This doesn’t really help, does it? I do want to get married and have a family of my own. And I want one that really can make me happy, vice versa. But when I think of the possibilities of me getting one like that, I get this negative feeling that it’s going to be impossible to have such things, not while a stronger male (as in spiritually, education, IQ, EQ, you name it) seems to always take interest with weaker version of female. While I’m just like an Prima species of female, it will be hard. Not that there’s none interested in me, but more like the Beta or Gamma male will flock around. Well,,, Alpha deserves a Prima and vice versa, right?

I know I have a discomfort with myself. I know I should not be. That’s not a Prima do. But… Should I go out more? While having this and that on my brain to think about what makes me comfortable or not? It will be a dangerous journey indeed. And I still don’t know what should I choose now. Up until now. I just want to see the course of the flow. Then maybe I can decide.

26 Life Lessons Learned by Age 26

Here is a list of 26 life lessons I have learned thus far at the age of 26.  I pass this list on to you with the simple hope that it makes you think.  Sometimes thinking about your life and sorting out what you have learned is just as important as tackling a new venture.

1. Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child.
2. Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest.
3. Laughing, crying, joy and anger… All are a vital.  All make us human.
4. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness.
5. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.
6. Bad things do happen to good people.
7. Paving your own road is intelligent only if nobody has gone exactly where you are going.
8. Uncertainty is caused by a lack of knowledge.  Hesitation is the product of fear.
9. Time heals all wounds… regardless of how you feel right now.
10. Most of the time what you are looking for is right in front of you.
11. Your health is your life.
12. Chance is a gift, so act on chance when given the opportunity.
13. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence.
14. People deserve a second chance, but not a third.
15. Marry your best friend.
16. Take lots of pictures.  Someday you’ll be really glad you did.
17. Money makes life easier only when the money is yours free and clear.
18. Carelessness is the root of failure
19. Your actions now create memories you will reminisce and talk about in your elder years.
20. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you can’t grasp now.
21. Motivation comes in short bursts.  Act while it’s hot.
22. Purposely ignoring the obvious is like walking backwards toward the enemy.
23. Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success.
24. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time.
25. Personal glory lasts forever.
26. If you never act, you will never know for sure 

This article is actually taken from this site: http://www.marcandangel.com/2008/02/06/26-life-lessons-learned-by-age-26/