(Almost) End of June 2012

Back again with me....

After a while of not writing (and realize that this is NOT the only post of the month), I'm back again with my own life writing.

As I cruised down the road with my transport (public one, mind you), I suddenly realized that the end of the month is coming near. And that also this year already down by half. Yet, what have I accomplished all this time? A half year time is not a short time, yet it feels like it was yesterday that I decided to at least write this blog frequently. And yes, I met the goal up until this moment. Yay for me... A pet on my shoulder if you want to :)

This month is quite hectic for me. I'm trying to jot it down here:
Week 1. A reflection of my own relationship
 Yea.. It sucked. I tried to remember when was the last time 'he' contacted me, and being sweet. And the answer, up until today, I'm still lost but I decided not to care about it anymore.I decided that he's not worth of my time and concern. A struggling week indeed for me after knowing all the deceptiveness, the lying, the relationship he had with another girl lest it was an affair or not. And we're going on to another day....

Week 2. Collecting the crumble

After passing a hellish week of work and down-time, it's time for me to reflect a bit deeper. And collecting myself back. No. Actually I'm not crumbling. I just hurt. That's all. But I got a plan, and I bring it on to a successful mission. I dumped him with dignity, though I don't really care what he think of me anymore. I wished him happiness and blessing. And I got to know my caring friends. They supported me and told me over and over again that he's not worth my tears, my thought, anything from me. So I did that.

Week 3. Dusting up.

I'm back to the life of a single lady. Not that it got any different than the one I had with him, but the thing I missed most perhaps was our flirting time through messages. And that's all. At this time, I realized another thing again. That I was not ready yet for another relationship, and that's why I can gathered myself quick enough.
He contacted me again just to warn me not to be involved in his life and his 'girlfriend' (which I actually doubted, but nonetheless, they flirt and he use her photo as his BB ID whereas he never did it when he was with me)... Also there is another time when he contacted me just to tell me he got into an accident and that he was alone at home. A background song is heard through my ear "Only When You're Lonely".. Yes.. I decided that he only remember me only at that miserable time of his.

Week 4. Recalling happiness

Oh well... Here I am, in the almost end of this week, writing up my own life story for a month worth. A hectic week indeed which makes my head wanna blow up, with all the assignment, all the problem at work, while on the same hand, I noticed a pattern of him. Yes.. Moving on is not in my dictionary yet for now, but I just wanna make sure of things first. And yes, I think I got his MO already because of the intensive chat he got with his 'closer' one.
A problem arise at work on Monday, and I thought I will be "out" from this place ASAP. But the management said just yesterday that they will overlook this problem, once. For me, it was some sort of saying, 'Why don't I try to find another job from now?'
Mistakes and I never combine well. When I made mistakes, it always means that I already met my time limit there, and that I'm already sick of being there.

My next agenda: Holding on this job till December, while trying to find another job. I prefer to go out of this country. It's just because I want to see the world, and experiencing things.

So, now I'm grateful for all the journey I had this month, and I can hardly wait for next month to come for I know I will be a better woman by then.

_AS_

Slipped Sand

I just want to thank you
Thank you for reminding me of what I am
Thank you for introducing me to the feeling of love again
Thank you for igniting the fire within me again
And the fire that I thought I lost

I realize that I can't be the one for you
I realize that I can't be the last for you too
But I never regret any single time we spend together
And the memories of those days spent

I learned that I'm too childish
I learned that I'n not as mature as I wanted to be
But I took the lesson and memorized it
And it will be for a better me

You are a sand that just escaped through my fingers
Just because I hold it too tight
Instead of just let it slide
To follow the wind

Yet somehow I know
You're not mine
And I'm not yours
Our journey hasn't end

I will hold this experience deep in my heart
So when the time come for both of us
We can say to each other
"We've did this and we passed it brilliantly"

Please be true to me
As I be true to you
I will always care for you
My dearest friend.

The Climb

My second song lyrics... It somehow boost my mood. Perhaps I can tell things with this song.

"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Tell Me lyrics

I usually don't post up a lyric of a song, but this kinda reflect what I'm feeling about relationship right now.
This is Tell Me song by Carly Rae Jepsen




Tell me
Baby is it yes or no
you've got a face that just don't show
what's going on inside

Tell me
I swear I'll take it on the chin
don't sugar-coat where I fit in
what's going on
Inside you there's a room,
A room with a door
I finally come knocking
And I've been here before
Oh I've got this love for you
But what is if for
If you can't hear me then

Tell me
Last chance
Hold me in your arms and say
if you want this love to walk away
Tell me and I'll say goodbye

Inside you there's a room,
A room with a door
I finally come knocking
And I've been here before
Oh I've got this love for you
But what is if for
If you can hear me then

I'll make it easy
I'm counting to 3
Am I something you want or
someone you need?

Tell me that you want me,
tell me that you love me, baby

Tell me that you want me tell
me that you love me

Just tell me that you
want me, tell me that you love me

Tell me, darling won't you tell me
I'm begging you to tell me,
Tell me and I'll say goodbye

Drift Apart

So plans don’t go the way we like them to,
'Cause now I’m sick of all the things you do.
While every word you say now leaves a bruise,
We break apart as you now light the fuse

I want to say it’s all your fault again,
To lay my weight on you and watch you bend,
But blaming you will only leave me tears,
And plus I need you now to ride these years,

So we’re walking now with arms apart,
About to drift away with puzzled hearts.
I’m losing you, and soon you’ll disappear.
I see it all unwinding now, right here.

Don’t make me cry, if you decide to leave,
To realize we weren’t meant to be.
Don’t make me wish I had still stayed behind,
To gain a friend but to then lose my mind.