These past days and months, I've been isolating myself from the world, with occasional going out whenever it’s necessary. During these times, I gain more understanding of people, more than I want to. And I ain't liking it a single bit.
Why?
Because understanding people requires you to sacrifice yourself, though you don't want to. By understanding them, you're making yourself funeral to their pain, their struggle. And that ain't a pretty picture, I tell ya.
People are made in this dull world to make it colorful. You might find an innocent and yet later you find them the complete opposite. And you don't understand what makes them like that. Or why bad people are bad.
I myself find a simple reason for that. It's in their past. It's in their background. It's in their surroundings. You see, bird of the same feather flocks together. Have you ever see ducks mingling with.. let's say... peacock? No, right? It's because their environment banned them to be together.
Don't say anything of trying to 'understand' someone if you don't want to accept their 'shadow'. If you only wanna acept their goodness or them in the light and refusing their shadow, you'll end up hurting them without you knowing it. Why? Because there is nothing in this world that has no shadow. In fact, it's already in a package ever since it's created, whatever it is.
But the most important thing in accepting people is that you have to accept yourself with whatever you have, whether you like it or not. If you still hiding behind a mask, then you haven't accept the dark side of yourself, thus you won't be able to understand fully about people.
So, are you ready to make a next step in your relationship with people?
Cheers and Shine,
Shinta
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
My First since...
Yea... At last, I got my own blog this time.. since my last blog is... a bit unknown (means that I actually lost it's address, dunno what to post, etc)
Well, I'll try my best to put my thought here, as I usually did in my notes in FB. Mostly it was just a random thought, but who of us is not doing that nowadays,eh?
Well... I don't know what this blog will look like in the future, but I do hope for myself that my writing skill will be improve with this. :)
Cheers for me
Well, I'll try my best to put my thought here, as I usually did in my notes in FB. Mostly it was just a random thought, but who of us is not doing that nowadays,eh?
Well... I don't know what this blog will look like in the future, but I do hope for myself that my writing skill will be improve with this. :)
Cheers for me
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Past, Present and Future
This was supposedly happened on the 16th, and actually I posted it on my FB. But I hope this can be one of yhe purpose this blog supposed to be...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today... I scream again. I screamed on top of my lungs till I feel I can hardly breathe. And that does not even make me feel better... Instead, I even feel worse, for I have hurt someone again. And the wound from 26 years ago is bleeding again. With or without my intention.
I'm blunt. I'm hurt. But I don't think it can surpass the feeling that person feel. I'm protecting myself by showing a sign of weakness, and yet I'm hurting someone in the process. What a past held that the present and future don't? A definition. A define, exact fact that cannot be changed in our life. A definitive pattern that our DNA carries on to our future.
A past so dark can change a bright future ahead when it unveil. A past can affect our comprehension of things happen in the present. A past can cloud people's heart in a brief moment. And a past is... unchangeable.
A present is something that exist because of the past. What we do today may affect out future. Therefore a past is definitely powerful enough for us to consider our present. A present is a thing that is also unchangeable, but not unexpected. Because we live it with our life, stand on it, and will cherished or hated it later. A present... is a present that is unknown, yet can carry a story.
A future... is unknown. Indefinitive. Yet is a result of a past and present. A future can be decide by what we do today. A future might be something we already thought about in the past, as a dream. Yet a future is partly dream nor destiny. It is merely a result.
Why am I saying all this? I don't know. It is a result of something happened in my past, also something happens in the past minutes I write this. And why this topic? Why past, present and future? Because people, usually, unconsciously do things based on their PAST experiences, without regarding anything else, even the PRESENT one to determine their FUTURE. That is how we usually act. And that is exactly what happens.
A harsh decision has been made. And the hurting parties are bleeding. Still bleeding. And don't know how or when it will stop. And once more, we stand on the point blank. Again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today... I scream again. I screamed on top of my lungs till I feel I can hardly breathe. And that does not even make me feel better... Instead, I even feel worse, for I have hurt someone again. And the wound from 26 years ago is bleeding again. With or without my intention.
I'm blunt. I'm hurt. But I don't think it can surpass the feeling that person feel. I'm protecting myself by showing a sign of weakness, and yet I'm hurting someone in the process. What a past held that the present and future don't? A definition. A define, exact fact that cannot be changed in our life. A definitive pattern that our DNA carries on to our future.
A past so dark can change a bright future ahead when it unveil. A past can affect our comprehension of things happen in the present. A past can cloud people's heart in a brief moment. And a past is... unchangeable.
A present is something that exist because of the past. What we do today may affect out future. Therefore a past is definitely powerful enough for us to consider our present. A present is a thing that is also unchangeable, but not unexpected. Because we live it with our life, stand on it, and will cherished or hated it later. A present... is a present that is unknown, yet can carry a story.
A future... is unknown. Indefinitive. Yet is a result of a past and present. A future can be decide by what we do today. A future might be something we already thought about in the past, as a dream. Yet a future is partly dream nor destiny. It is merely a result.
Why am I saying all this? I don't know. It is a result of something happened in my past, also something happens in the past minutes I write this. And why this topic? Why past, present and future? Because people, usually, unconsciously do things based on their PAST experiences, without regarding anything else, even the PRESENT one to determine their FUTURE. That is how we usually act. And that is exactly what happens.
A harsh decision has been made. And the hurting parties are bleeding. Still bleeding. And don't know how or when it will stop. And once more, we stand on the point blank. Again...
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A letter for a 'missing' friend
This is a feeling that I must say, no matter what. This is for you, whom I gave anonymously, and you're supposed to know this. I'm not asking you to think about it now. I'm just merely saying it. Because I care for you. Because I love you, my friend... And I do hope you can be a better 'man'
=============================================
I know it might get you uncomfortable... But yet, I still ask you those questions. Why? Because I want to know who is me in your world. I need to know your pain, because I feel that I'm the one who cause it. I'm the one who inflict it. And I feel it even though you're saying I'm not.
You can say I'm self-conscious, egoist, the-whole-world-revolved- around-me syndrome, or anything, I don't care. All I know is that you were a better man. It's a past tense, darling. Not a present, but I still hope for the future. Maybe better than you were used to be. With all the experiences and all the pain that you get along your way.
A true friend doesn't just sit down, letting their friend get carried away in a bad way. A true friend doesn't let you ease your pain easily. A true friend won't patch your wound as soon as you're hurting. A true friend doesn't look or try to look good in front of your eyes to gain your favor. That's just a true have fun friend.
A true friend will try to stop you whenever they know you're up to not good, even though you're forcing your way out. And they won't give up for that even though their body gets beaten badly (this is just a sample, don't try to beat up anyone to prove whether they're your true friend or not *wink*). A true friend will let you succumb in your pain, letting you vent out your sadness, rage, you-name-it, and then after you're calm down, they're gonna give you some insight. A true friend will hurt you even deeper when you're hurt, to make sure there are not a single shard left behind to infect you later on. They're gonna let you bleed out till the blood gets clean. Then they're going to patch it up.
It's not an easy process, and most people are missing that. Not all people in this world will have the luxury of a true friend. But if you show some concern to people, for sure you will get another concern from other people. But all people... well I think almost all, will reject those kind of friend. Why? Because they don't want to look ugly or don't even want to be point out their mistakes ON THEIR FACE. Just admit it, will you?
I'm writing this out of my concern for you, dear. I know you, or I used to know you. But the YOU that I now (I thought I) know, is... way different that I think you're cease to exist. You're trying hard to prove that you're here, in this world, trying to ignore your pain.
I knew your pain, your trauma, your fear. But yet I did something wrong before, yet making you... lose your steady way. And then I hurt you again. And you're... disappear. And when you're back, you have transformed into... an indescribable person. All your adventures, all your saying, all your manners, force me to think.. Is that you? Why I keep feeling that the you that I know is being pushed down and trampled on to make the you now exist? And why I keep feeling that the child inside you is calling out for me, without you knowing it or realize?
And all came into me. I'm the one whose at fault. I'm the one that make you this way. And I'm supposed to make it right again. It's not a responsibility for me to do that. But it's just my conscience of being human who force me to be like that. Even you push me away how many times, I'll still be there for you. To remind you of the kind, smart, funny, caring, loving you. And ease your pain. But as for now, forgive me for keep on hurting you. Because I must know. Because I miss you, my dearest friend.
Love,
Your friend. :)
============================================================
I do really hope that this message can get through my friend's heart... And I know you're not gonna despise me for doing this, but I do hope next time we talk, I can get some of you back..
=============================================
I know it might get you uncomfortable... But yet, I still ask you those questions. Why? Because I want to know who is me in your world. I need to know your pain, because I feel that I'm the one who cause it. I'm the one who inflict it. And I feel it even though you're saying I'm not.
You can say I'm self-conscious, egoist, the-whole-world-revolved- around-me syndrome, or anything, I don't care. All I know is that you were a better man. It's a past tense, darling. Not a present, but I still hope for the future. Maybe better than you were used to be. With all the experiences and all the pain that you get along your way.
A true friend doesn't just sit down, letting their friend get carried away in a bad way. A true friend doesn't let you ease your pain easily. A true friend won't patch your wound as soon as you're hurting. A true friend doesn't look or try to look good in front of your eyes to gain your favor. That's just a true have fun friend.
A true friend will try to stop you whenever they know you're up to not good, even though you're forcing your way out. And they won't give up for that even though their body gets beaten badly (this is just a sample, don't try to beat up anyone to prove whether they're your true friend or not *wink*). A true friend will let you succumb in your pain, letting you vent out your sadness, rage, you-name-it, and then after you're calm down, they're gonna give you some insight. A true friend will hurt you even deeper when you're hurt, to make sure there are not a single shard left behind to infect you later on. They're gonna let you bleed out till the blood gets clean. Then they're going to patch it up.
It's not an easy process, and most people are missing that. Not all people in this world will have the luxury of a true friend. But if you show some concern to people, for sure you will get another concern from other people. But all people... well I think almost all, will reject those kind of friend. Why? Because they don't want to look ugly or don't even want to be point out their mistakes ON THEIR FACE. Just admit it, will you?
I'm writing this out of my concern for you, dear. I know you, or I used to know you. But the YOU that I now (I thought I) know, is... way different that I think you're cease to exist. You're trying hard to prove that you're here, in this world, trying to ignore your pain.
I knew your pain, your trauma, your fear. But yet I did something wrong before, yet making you... lose your steady way. And then I hurt you again. And you're... disappear. And when you're back, you have transformed into... an indescribable person. All your adventures, all your saying, all your manners, force me to think.. Is that you? Why I keep feeling that the you that I know is being pushed down and trampled on to make the you now exist? And why I keep feeling that the child inside you is calling out for me, without you knowing it or realize?
And all came into me. I'm the one whose at fault. I'm the one that make you this way. And I'm supposed to make it right again. It's not a responsibility for me to do that. But it's just my conscience of being human who force me to be like that. Even you push me away how many times, I'll still be there for you. To remind you of the kind, smart, funny, caring, loving you. And ease your pain. But as for now, forgive me for keep on hurting you. Because I must know. Because I miss you, my dearest friend.
Love,
Your friend. :)
============================================================
I do really hope that this message can get through my friend's heart... And I know you're not gonna despise me for doing this, but I do hope next time we talk, I can get some of you back..
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Frozen Time
It's just a note that I wrote in the middle of the night (midnight actually), where the temperature in my room is bone-chilling (actually bcoz I got a fever) and this just happen to come into my mind, the two characters of my new novel. Hope it won't offend anyone with it ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was way late at night when one’s can hear nothing on the distant. Or even one can hear one’s own breathing due to lack of sound in the night. In the darkness, the person looks up to the ceiling quietly, not moving even an inch, afraid to disturb the peacefully sleeping person beside. Checking the sound breathing person, she removes the blanket from her naked body and get off from the bed. She doesn’t even think of putting anything on to cover up her body and slide straightly to the terrace where the cold wind blow fiercely on her, making her regret her decision to come out like that and getting herself back just to grab a silk robe from the couch.
The lamp from the city still lightening the street and one or two cars can be seen driving down the lane in such speed that they cannot get during the day. She sat on the bench and stared out to the dark sky, trying to find one star out there. All she finds was a moving lamp of a plane, but no star. Not even one. She looked back to the bed, just to find the person laying there hasn’t even move a muscle. She smiled serenely. How she love the feeling of his hand touching her cheek, caressing her. His warm hand that can touch even the coldness of her heart, hot breath breathing down her face when they’re kissing each other passionately. Especially his voice when he said her name passionately. And the way he said that he loves her, sincerely.
She put him as her dearest. And she knows that he also feels the same. But will the world think of that too? There are too many obstacles, too many things that need to be cleared in order for them to be together. And for sure, there will be a lot of people hurt for that. And she cannot let that happen.
Love is supposed to bring you happiness. Love suppose to bring you joy. But what is this feeling of despair that she feels? Why she feel this way when she supposed to gloat of happiness? Is love also brings sadness along with happiness? Why even everyone keeps on getting a steady love life and why is that is so difficult for her to achieve? But she really believes that he is the “One” for her and that she wants it to be him that lay beside her every single night, no matter what people said. And she also believes that she can take every obstacle and pass through it with ease as long as he’s beside her. But can she sacrifice someone else in order to achieve what she wants?
The cold wind blows, wrapping her in the icy feel like a snake, slowly gripping her quivering body. She involuntarily shivers. Her bone ache because of the coldness but her heart ache more because of the confusion. She wraps the robe closer to her body, trying to get some heat without actually have to move her body inside the room. She does not want to falter from her decision this time. Again. That is her decision.
Time went on without her knowing and the firs ray of the sun hit her face with its warmth. After a long dark and cold night, the sun appears with its warmth and shine through the clouds brightly. She looks at the sky that turns red like blushing of the look of its lover and sighed. Standing up from her seat, she moves closer to the railing with her hand raised up as if trying to catch the ray. Intense as she is, she didn’t hear anything until someone put a coat over her cold body and wrap her in it with his embrace.
She turns to face him, smiling at her without questioning anything. And that is exactly what she loves about the man in front of her. He never asks but patiently wait for her, understand her, and for most of all, supporting her. And for not, just for this moment only, she turn back again, facing the sun and set her head to his chest and let go of her worries. Just for now… Only now, she wants the time to stop like that. Freeze in that glorious moment with her, him, and nothing else but their love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was way late at night when one’s can hear nothing on the distant. Or even one can hear one’s own breathing due to lack of sound in the night. In the darkness, the person looks up to the ceiling quietly, not moving even an inch, afraid to disturb the peacefully sleeping person beside. Checking the sound breathing person, she removes the blanket from her naked body and get off from the bed. She doesn’t even think of putting anything on to cover up her body and slide straightly to the terrace where the cold wind blow fiercely on her, making her regret her decision to come out like that and getting herself back just to grab a silk robe from the couch.
The lamp from the city still lightening the street and one or two cars can be seen driving down the lane in such speed that they cannot get during the day. She sat on the bench and stared out to the dark sky, trying to find one star out there. All she finds was a moving lamp of a plane, but no star. Not even one. She looked back to the bed, just to find the person laying there hasn’t even move a muscle. She smiled serenely. How she love the feeling of his hand touching her cheek, caressing her. His warm hand that can touch even the coldness of her heart, hot breath breathing down her face when they’re kissing each other passionately. Especially his voice when he said her name passionately. And the way he said that he loves her, sincerely.
She put him as her dearest. And she knows that he also feels the same. But will the world think of that too? There are too many obstacles, too many things that need to be cleared in order for them to be together. And for sure, there will be a lot of people hurt for that. And she cannot let that happen.
Love is supposed to bring you happiness. Love suppose to bring you joy. But what is this feeling of despair that she feels? Why she feel this way when she supposed to gloat of happiness? Is love also brings sadness along with happiness? Why even everyone keeps on getting a steady love life and why is that is so difficult for her to achieve? But she really believes that he is the “One” for her and that she wants it to be him that lay beside her every single night, no matter what people said. And she also believes that she can take every obstacle and pass through it with ease as long as he’s beside her. But can she sacrifice someone else in order to achieve what she wants?
The cold wind blows, wrapping her in the icy feel like a snake, slowly gripping her quivering body. She involuntarily shivers. Her bone ache because of the coldness but her heart ache more because of the confusion. She wraps the robe closer to her body, trying to get some heat without actually have to move her body inside the room. She does not want to falter from her decision this time. Again. That is her decision.
Time went on without her knowing and the firs ray of the sun hit her face with its warmth. After a long dark and cold night, the sun appears with its warmth and shine through the clouds brightly. She looks at the sky that turns red like blushing of the look of its lover and sighed. Standing up from her seat, she moves closer to the railing with her hand raised up as if trying to catch the ray. Intense as she is, she didn’t hear anything until someone put a coat over her cold body and wrap her in it with his embrace.
She turns to face him, smiling at her without questioning anything. And that is exactly what she loves about the man in front of her. He never asks but patiently wait for her, understand her, and for most of all, supporting her. And for not, just for this moment only, she turn back again, facing the sun and set her head to his chest and let go of her worries. Just for now… Only now, she wants the time to stop like that. Freeze in that glorious moment with her, him, and nothing else but their love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)