This is a feeling that I must say, no matter what. This is for you, whom I gave anonymously, and you're supposed to know this. I'm not asking you to think about it now. I'm just merely saying it. Because I care for you. Because I love you, my friend... And I do hope you can be a better 'man'
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I know it might get you uncomfortable... But yet, I still ask you those questions. Why? Because I want to know who is me in your world. I need to know your pain, because I feel that I'm the one who cause it. I'm the one who inflict it. And I feel it even though you're saying I'm not.
You can say I'm self-conscious, egoist, the-whole-world-revolved- around-me syndrome, or anything, I don't care. All I know is that you were a better man. It's a past tense, darling. Not a present, but I still hope for the future. Maybe better than you were used to be. With all the experiences and all the pain that you get along your way.
A true friend doesn't just sit down, letting their friend get carried away in a bad way. A true friend doesn't let you ease your pain easily. A true friend won't patch your wound as soon as you're hurting. A true friend doesn't look or try to look good in front of your eyes to gain your favor. That's just a true have fun friend.
A true friend will try to stop you whenever they know you're up to not good, even though you're forcing your way out. And they won't give up for that even though their body gets beaten badly (this is just a sample, don't try to beat up anyone to prove whether they're your true friend or not *wink*). A true friend will let you succumb in your pain, letting you vent out your sadness, rage, you-name-it, and then after you're calm down, they're gonna give you some insight. A true friend will hurt you even deeper when you're hurt, to make sure there are not a single shard left behind to infect you later on. They're gonna let you bleed out till the blood gets clean. Then they're going to patch it up.
It's not an easy process, and most people are missing that. Not all people in this world will have the luxury of a true friend. But if you show some concern to people, for sure you will get another concern from other people. But all people... well I think almost all, will reject those kind of friend. Why? Because they don't want to look ugly or don't even want to be point out their mistakes ON THEIR FACE. Just admit it, will you?
I'm writing this out of my concern for you, dear. I know you, or I used to know you. But the YOU that I now (I thought I) know, is... way different that I think you're cease to exist. You're trying hard to prove that you're here, in this world, trying to ignore your pain.
I knew your pain, your trauma, your fear. But yet I did something wrong before, yet making you... lose your steady way. And then I hurt you again. And you're... disappear. And when you're back, you have transformed into... an indescribable person. All your adventures, all your saying, all your manners, force me to think.. Is that you? Why I keep feeling that the you that I know is being pushed down and trampled on to make the you now exist? And why I keep feeling that the child inside you is calling out for me, without you knowing it or realize?
And all came into me. I'm the one whose at fault. I'm the one that make you this way. And I'm supposed to make it right again. It's not a responsibility for me to do that. But it's just my conscience of being human who force me to be like that. Even you push me away how many times, I'll still be there for you. To remind you of the kind, smart, funny, caring, loving you. And ease your pain. But as for now, forgive me for keep on hurting you. Because I must know. Because I miss you, my dearest friend.
Love,
Your friend. :)
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I do really hope that this message can get through my friend's heart... And I know you're not gonna despise me for doing this, but I do hope next time we talk, I can get some of you back..
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