Just One of the Test I take on my leisure time

Taken from: http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

The name is surely powerful in giving one's life meaning. Mine nonetheless...

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

Life's one wonder

Today I just witnessing one of the greatest event nature has given. One of my best friend give birth to a baby girl, which given name is: Audrey Nalini Siraj
At 2.840 kgs and 46 cm, she is truly one wonder that came from her mother's womb. A miracle that God has given only to women to bear such things.

Though she came by by surgery, my friend and I get to think that it is one battle that involving life and death that only separated by a string. One wrong move and there will be no more words to say.

I just don't want to say too much now since I don't want to spoil my mood. But let this be a remembrance for me for such event has happened in my life.

Yume nanka.... Hontou ni?? O_o"

It was early in the morning. That's for sure. But the memory was hazy. It was just a dream, but it feels real. Is it? I also don't know. But the feeling I have is real.

It surely in the office. There were my offices friends, my supervisors, trainers, and boss. All in all, there were only... us who were only stay at office till quite some time.
This event is involving me, my -sorta- crush (which actually not) and also a sempai in my office AH, and one of my friend, DD.

Well, DD was asking me something about the work (I forgot what he was asking actually) and I, fortunately know the answer. There are me, on the end of the desk, DD and then AH. Then I asked AH, which I believe he will know the answer in more composed manner since I can only provide DD with a big picture of it. But AH is just sorta ignoring me, which he does quite often to other people too. His 'kankennai' attitude -it's not my business-is known very well to me, but sometimes it irks me too. AH is just tidying his bags and he passes through DD then me.

I just tug at his coat, saying "ne... is that right, what I said?" Then suddenly AH stop and bend down towards me in a swift movement, showing his face in front of me in such a close up. I gasped and bring up the paper I didn't notice I was holding, trying to put it between our distance. And AH... he just give me a fluttery kiss on my cheek, making me shocked and turn my head towards him, only the thing that face me is his lips on mine. Such a velvety feeling. And he went when everyone makes a fuss. I don't think they know what happened, but I'm not exactly sure about it either. He just gave me a knowing smile and went off just like that.

I woke up, dazed. I don't know if it's real or not. It's just a dream, but it surely feels real. I even still can feel his breath on my face, and the velvety feel on my lips. Even the moisture of the kiss seems like lingering on it. It's too real to be a dream. I feel my face hot from the memory so I just wake up and take a good measure of shower, just to hide my embarrassment.

A dreamer, a realist, or a fool? You tell me...

Notes:
This is just a character that I try to wrote before. And this is what they're thinking -almost- time to time. Now you tell me, what kind of person if this?

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Whatever you wanna try to say to me, I won't listen to you. As long as you can't be dominant than me, you'd better shut up. As long as you can't prove yourself worthy, I won't listen to you. Only those who are dominant, and can prove themself to me can told me what to do.
Why you have to be bitching around while you can't do anything yourself? You're the one who at fault, but you're trying to make yourself feel better by trying to look down on one that cannot do anything yet. And that is the thing that I despise most. Stepping on someone that's already in their lowest point, without you knowing it, or in this case, you already know it but you just don't care.
If I want to do things deceitfully, I can. But I won't.
If I want to be successfull easily, I can. But I won't
If I want to live easily, I can. But I won't
I can only stay in the shadow, stay silent, and not be able to say anything for now. Revenge is such a sweet word, i know it. But I don't want to do it. I'm just want the world to see what can I do for them, if only...
For now, if only it seems the only word I can say since I cannot prove myself. The day will soon come when I'll stand victorious. And people will see the glory in the end.
I just don't wanna be hurt anymore. That's all. Can anyone heart what my heart cries out? It's crying, screaming, writhing in agony. All because of the people. Or should I say it's because of me? I;m at fault too, but what can I do? I just don't know what to say anymore. I'm just blank and don't wanna do anything about it but hope that the world will change one day.
It's easier for one to change rather than the world to change, I know that. But people just don't know what's best for them. And whatever contradiction they face, they'll just reject it fully without even considering it. That I know. But I just don't want to change. I know I'm not at wrong, so I just don't want to be wronged. And I don't hope to wronged other people. Could they just leave me in my own peace? It seems impossible.
Sigh~
If only.... That's the only word for now. Until I can do something about it. And I will. One day.......

An Outsider

I feel like been pushed away slowly
Though they try to know about me
I cannot feel their sincerity at all
Selfishly I wanted their attention
But I cannot bring myself to ask for it
Nor I cannot bring myself to adjust with it.
With who I am right now,
I just can only envy
With who I am now,
I just can stand afar
Looking at them with jealousy
They just can't accept me for who I am
If they're going to be like this
Why they bother to befriend with me
Why they bother to spend time with me
Is that because I'm such a convenience
Or is that they pity me if I'm left alone
I just don't know
And I don't care to know about it
It's better to be alone
No one can hurt you
No one can affect your judgment
No one...
Not a single person can
So, here I am
Back to square one
Back to my sacred place
That no one can touch
No one can enter
After all, I'm truly just...
An outsider....

The end of the road is yet unseen...

Have you ever feel like... wanting to stop in one point of your life just because you've had enough? I often got it, and usually because I'm currently -feel like- in the lowest-point of my life. It's a feeling where you see and feel like there is no way out anymore, and that you're just being pushed around by the situation to the end of the road. It's because you cannot see the road that you're walking through. It's like there's fog everywhere and you can't even see where you're going. One wrong step, and you might be found dead.

In that kind of situation that I currently having, I'm so... trying hard to overcome it. The situation is so overwhelming that it suffocates me. But I just can't give up yet. I still got my mum to feed, and to take care of. I just can;t give up. I think it will be different if she's no longer in this world. I mightn't not been able to write this notes down as I must probably been long gone.

It's not me being pessimistic about life, but I'm actually tired of having an ability that I cannot even use because of there's no chance for me to use it. Sometimes I find myself being bitter towards the world, but I see it as a defense. I've been hurt too many times in my life. Even as an unborn baby. And it hurts. So much.

And then I met people, that's just trying to took advantage of me. And it just making me feel more to defending myself from being hurting anymore. It's either kill or be killed. And I'm a survivor from those kind of things. So it means that I kill their chances to hurt me by hurting them first with stating their intentions.

I;m writing this with such emotion to kill someone. A man, which confirm my theory of: Men's brain are in their d**k rather in their head. Men are ruled by their d**k rather their logic. And so on. And I don't think anyone can change that opinion if I'm hurt again. Like a porcupine that looks harmless, they will be harmful if they sense danger. That's who I am...

Gotta think of a title but none come out

Hisashiburi-desu~

It's truly been quite long since I last update this blog. And the first time I abandon it for this long. Working is consuming my strenght as well as my brain. It's sizzling hot by the time I got home, and I just can get myself to think of anything rather than sleep. Well, mostly it;s because of the sleep deprived I got this week.

So, I'll try to update my situation later on, but don't hope too much on it.

Ciao~