Have you ever feel like... wanting to stop in one point of your life just because you've had enough? I often got it, and usually because I'm currently -feel like- in the lowest-point of my life. It's a feeling where you see and feel like there is no way out anymore, and that you're just being pushed around by the situation to the end of the road. It's because you cannot see the road that you're walking through. It's like there's fog everywhere and you can't even see where you're going. One wrong step, and you might be found dead.
In that kind of situation that I currently having, I'm so... trying hard to overcome it. The situation is so overwhelming that it suffocates me. But I just can't give up yet. I still got my mum to feed, and to take care of. I just can;t give up. I think it will be different if she's no longer in this world. I mightn't not been able to write this notes down as I must probably been long gone.
It's not me being pessimistic about life, but I'm actually tired of having an ability that I cannot even use because of there's no chance for me to use it. Sometimes I find myself being bitter towards the world, but I see it as a defense. I've been hurt too many times in my life. Even as an unborn baby. And it hurts. So much.
And then I met people, that's just trying to took advantage of me. And it just making me feel more to defending myself from being hurting anymore. It's either kill or be killed. And I'm a survivor from those kind of things. So it means that I kill their chances to hurt me by hurting them first with stating their intentions.
I;m writing this with such emotion to kill someone. A man, which confirm my theory of: Men's brain are in their d**k rather in their head. Men are ruled by their d**k rather their logic. And so on. And I don't think anyone can change that opinion if I'm hurt again. Like a porcupine that looks harmless, they will be harmful if they sense danger. That's who I am...
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