Tangled in strings

Wake up in the morning feeling like I wanna fly high
But something tied me down every time I tried to
Looking down and saw strings attached to my feet
Knowing that my part hasn't been done
The world still have a need of me
But what use am I if I don't even know what to do
Waited patiently till the strings gone by itself I did
The more I wait, more strings attached
And I am tangled in the end
Wondered if I cut them all and fly away
Sinner I will become for I have known
That the strings are what made me this
To remind me that I live in this world
Soon,  there will be time when I can fly as much as I wanted
And never look down anymore
Higher and higher, lost in desire
For now, I'll sort out this tangled strings
And slowly release it from me
Till there's no more that hold me down
And I will soar away.

A Liar and A Lover

A new ground that has been dug. A sobbing woman and an unknown stranger.
The eyes of the woman scanning the name written on the stone that just been put recently on the ground.

'Here lies William, Beloved Son, Husband and Father
 1970 - 2011'

No one else in the area, so the woman come forward from her hiding place to the ground and wipe the tombstone it from the flowers that just been scattered unto it. Tears drop silently from her eyes, but there's also another fire burning within it.

"I cannot forgive you... I really, really cannot forgive you. How could you die before me? And what about this phrase 'Beloved husband and father'? You told me you liked me... Was that a lie?"

She sobs uncontrollably for a while. The stranger looked upon the scene with heart aching for the woman that looks very fragile. The moment just stays like that and it feels like infinity for the stranger.

She lays down on the grave, looking as if laying down with her lover that just past away. She stroked the stone as if stroking her lovers face, and the heart of the stranger is breaking even more.

"Do you remember? I loved to stroke your face like this. I love the hair on your face when you woke up in the morning and seeing your eyes flutter when you wake up. And you always said you liked me much.    And you said that my eyes are like a dark hole that you could throw away your soul into..." She sigh heavily, and the sound of it feels like the weight of the world is wearing down the stranger's heart.

She closed the eyes for she cannot bear seeing the scene around her, not noticing the stranger at all. For a while she just lay there, breathing heavily, trying to control her sobbing until it become smaller and almost gone.

After it goes down, she sit beside the grave and look again with a new resolution. "So... was that all lie? A good joke for you?! Did you have all the fun you wanted?!?!" She screamed on top of her lung.

At this point, the stranger cannot bear it anymore and come behind her and hold her with his might, shocking the woman. She struggle hard, but her power is beaten by the stranger. Until she saw the stranger's face. "Danny..."

Upon hearing his name being spoken, he release his hold on her. And looked away from her face for his heart is breaking all the more.

"How long have you been there?"
Silence
"Did you... did you see all that?"
Silence
"Did you... know it?"
silence

Danny slowly try to see the woman in front of him, and finding a look full of accusation and anger in her eyes. He brace himself for what may come next.

"How could you?"
Silence
"After all these time we've known each other?! HOW COULD YOU!!!!???!!!" the woman hit him several times and stop because of the sobbing.

Danny embrace her tenderly. "Let's stop this, Hana. Just stop."

"have you known all along?"

"I did. After all, he's my senior. But I can't say anything to you because I can see you really love him. And he did too."

Hana looked up to see Danny's eyes, and that makes her off from his embrace. "Did he?"

Sighing, Danny answered. "Yes. Even if he lied to you, he did love you in his own unique way. And the wife? It just unwanted marriage in his part. Being young and wild."

Hana looked back to the grave. Her eyes softened. "But he's a liar for me. Even if a liar is dead, he's still a liar. And if I can't forgive, it means I can't forgive." She looked upon the sky that so clear, trying to look upon the gate of heaven or anything else. Adding with a soft tone, "And loving... is loving..."

They left the place long after that, leaving the memories, the heartbreak, the truth, and only carrying the love inside their heart. Danny's love for Hana, and Hana's love for the passed away lover.

What will be done later? Only time can tell, for the living one still have a long time to spend, and the passing one has eternity to spend doing whatever they did in the other world.

Alesha Dixon - To Love Again

This is a rare thing indeed. I never even once posted a music video before in here. But somehow, this song knock me in my heart. It describes me before in such way that makes me love this song, And more... the melody is also nice to hear.

Alesha Dixon
To Love Again lyrics

Songwriters: LANG, JONNY / FREDRIKSEN, MARTI

All this time i felt so lost, lost and needed help.
Incomplete, out of reach, All alone by myself.
It all becomes so clear, when i see your face.
And it’s only when you’re near, I feel i’m safe.

So before we take this road, before you change my mind, fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time.
I’ve been torn apart, desperately try to find a way back to my heart, so i can love again.

Ooh, help me love again. Ooh yeah.

I’m so tired of holding on, so tired of waiting.
I need to feel something real, without it breaking.
It all becomes so clear, when you touch my hand.
And it’s only when you’re near, i know you understand.

So before we take this road, before you change my mind, fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time.
I’ve been torn apart, desperately try to find a way back to my heart, so i can love again. 

Yeah, turn the page to love again

© Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

To Love and Be Loved in Return

One of famous love song that most of all remember has this quote:

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return"

~Unforgettable with Love - Natalie Cole~

There is a thousand, even million of love quotes in this world that describe the wonderful feeling of love. No matter where we are, in whatever condition we're in, love is always in the air.

The feeling of love is always makes my heart flutters, no matter how hurt I;ve been in the past. Why? Because I love people, in general. But most importantly, plus je l'aime, plus je recevoir de l'amour, the more i love, the more i receive love. And when we don't take any action of revenge to those who hates us, the more benefit of being truly loved we will receive.

And I'm saying this just because I experience it myself with my Callie. Yes. we haven't even say a thing about our future. But I do really believe that this is the last stop for me. No more searching, just learning.

I'm too overwhelmed right now that I can't even write anything about my own feeling.

I love you.

Shin

 

Hope, Faith and other wish

Don’t work to please others, they will eventually find someone better and left you bitter.
Never put your faith to one person, they most probably don’t care as they, too, do the same as you.
All I want is just simple things. To live joyfully, love freely, to care and be cared for unconditionally.
It seems that the current world is not as simple as I want it to be.
Understanding others is essential as breathing now.
But it seems that few grab the concept.
And the air is getting thinner by day.
Hope the few won’t get choked.
And down in number again.
And lesser it get
Who will be left?
Still hope.

First day of March 2012

As promised, I'm sticking through my resolution of 2012 which writing every month.
So here I am, writing non-sense I guess, but whatever.

I'm looking through the days in this 2012, and didn't really expect me to go through this year with a lot of complication at first, but it's a smooth sailing for now. Both life and love. The latter makes me giggle every time I remember.

Perhaps it was the month of love, or we just clicked each other, but it's funny to think of anything except how we ended up together now. The difference between us before and how we going with such things with indifferent attitude, perhaps will become a stone mark in our life to come.

I actually no longer think about marriage life or such, just try to stroll through the day with deliverance. Whom I met, who I'm close with, who I think about, who I care about, and every who that has passed or still in my life, they made me who I am right now and who I will be. But I believe that all that will makes me a better person.

Last month is a review for me that any in-deliberate action could result in people dislike you in such strong emotion that they can try to bring you down with whatever way they can do. Including or should I said, back-stabbing, which unsuccessful. I try to think back of what kind of action I did to them that makes them despise me, but all I can come up with is just that they are not professional enough to bring a wall between personal and professional life. So I decide to just ignore them. There is no merit for me in dwelling with such problem.

Last month too, I reap some seed that I throw. I met some block on my way that I'm feeling really down, but people around me that are been constantly cheered up by me or not, they really try to distract me from feeling those things. And yes, they succeed. I'm bounce up again, stronger than ever. It works being a good person and worth it, I tell you. Heart-warming hugs (even though it only came from afar, but I know they really mean it), cheering up words, even jokes keep coming to energized me. But I also realized that I miss something. An essential thing in my life that should have been there but hasn't come to me yet. Where I can rest myself and feel secure.

Funny. I'm sort of find it in an unexpected person that come back, knocking down the door into my life suddenly. Though the presence also not what people expected, but I know that the anchor is there. Wherever I'm sailing to anyplace, unknown, I feel secure since I know that the anchor is there with me. Anchor will always there, sit down in unseen place, but holding an important position in the ship. So, the stability I need, I found. And I have to thank him, my best friend, for being there.

Being a best friend does not means you have to know each other for a long period. It's just is. You feel it, deep down, that you are comfortable with few person and don't know how your heart will know that this person will never leave you. So, lucky I'm in love with my best friend, I should say that. Even when typing this, I'm feeling that this... unseen factor of my heart is fluttering and growing. Should anything comes between us, I feel that we can solve it like a mature person should. And I pray for it too.

So, I'm marching to cherish this March. Hope all's well

Love,

Shin