Reflection of this month

Dear Me,

Yea.. I'm calling this blog a self-reflection of what I've done, what will I do, and a self-regret too... Whatever I can't say clearly to anyone, I guess i can say it better in the form of writing. Nevertheless, I feel this in my sort of emotional therapy. A better me will come out after I write all my darkest thought, and clearly reflecting it. Call it a self-preservation or whatever, I'm trying to see myself in a different angle. Later on, when I read what I've wrote, I'd wonder... 'Is this me who wrote this?'

As for this month almost ending, I notice that a bunch of things happened in my life so fast that sometimes it scares me... Moving on with what I believe also sometimes cannot be tolerated by other people, no matter how right I am, or how wrong they are. Sometimes, we should submit to other greater power beyond our reach... and that doesn't always mean God in His glorious ways. Sometimes it's more simpler than that, which can also means ... our parents, our manager, bosses, our government... etc.

While submitting to the greatest power, aka God Himself, I can do it. I just can't seem to be quite obedience to those who were merely man in flesh. Just don't ask me why. It's just the uniqueness in me since the day I was born. Ask my mother whether I can accept things that I can't take with my logic, and most of the time (the trust is.. all the time) I will not follow the rules. Let me put this clearly. Rules are meant to be broken,, if you can't tell me what it's created for. A stability? what for? a peace? really? And so on... I notice that other people are also like that, but I believe that they still can be still and quiet... more that I do.

Sometimes I wish I can... not voice my opinion and see what the world, especially my environment, will be like. Most of the time, my voiced opinion makes a better world to others, but then... they just kinda forgot who makes it actually changed. And then I'll be kicked aside (most of the time). Blame me to become bitchier by now ( I don't even know whether 'bitchier' is a word or not).

Being quiet also sometimes makes people think that you agree for what they're doing, even when they're wrong. And that's totally uncool, especially when we're the wronged party. But people don't seem to be agreeing with it. They keep on doing what they want and just that our perfect little world is ruined. And they call me selfish to wish a happiness for me or just a simple peace of mind?

Well, though I'm rambling right now in the middle of working time and get angrier at times too, but at least I'm voicing my opinion though not out loud but at least I know what's been bothering me this months. Especially this past week. A verbal inactivity in my part can lead to a chaos of habit. Or such...

Enough for now. Perhaps I still can find time to write again before I'm blowing out a smoke outta my head coz of the pent up emotion in me.

Ciao~