CMIIW: Data is a Life Story

 

(This article is opinion as a professional with 10+ years experiences, not a mean to thus bring down any company/person, thus the title CMIIW)

 

Technology has been growing immensely, especially after millennium, and it affect our life directly or indirectly. Most people, whether they admit it or not, were depending on technology in their daily life. And the thing that technology has in common is the data that they got from every single aspect of life. In the era of machine learning, it is important to notice the pattern of certain segment and give notes to develop better understanding and enhancing the machine learning. Yet even then, there bound to be things that deviate from the user need and therefore the profession related to data processing emerge rapidly.

Data. A simple word yet very powerful tools if someone know how to use it. Nowadays, businesses are busy finding personnel who has experience or expertise in the field of data, be it Data Analyst, Data Scientist, Data Management, and other title related to it. Many claims to be an expert, yet there are also discontent from the employers that the people they hired could not fulfil the said role.

From the experience gained with many companies I’ve worked and my other clients, there are similarities of problems that the companies encounter. Majority of them are the inability to translate the management need with the actual condition, or the inability to read the trend for future use, or the lack of understanding of what is important for other divisions to deliver their best performance/KPI.

Although the education nowadays was giving chances for being a professional in data processing industry, yet there are things that people forgot to get enough exposure of which is data about people itself. Things are easy to read once it was written down in data language, be it in a table form or journal or many other things. Yet people are not that easy to read, because there are certain aspects that may influence the decision someone take from the other. Some ethnicities may do certain things when they are introduced to new exposure, some religion may have certain habit at certain period compared to other, or someone that grew up in a single-parent household might also decide things differently from those with big family background.

Therefore, the journey to make a map of data is truly a fascinating subject that has no limit if you have immense creativity and curiosity. Enough pattern may also lead to the change of how business will develop in the future, due to the habit of the customer and people in overall. This is what the business is aiming for, to hit the jackpot of riding the trend people are doing or be the trendsetter and stay in the front of the game from other businesses.

Developed countries are already up their game in the data-related profession, and yet they are also still need some more breakthrough to keep on the top of their game. Whereas the developing countries are still struggling in introducing the importance of data in most aspects of life. However, the problem is not only stop there, but it just started. The reason I said Data is Life Story is because of in anything we do, people are generating data.

In daily example, person A woke up daily in average on 6.30-7.00 am. This implies that there are things that might be triggered afterwards like making coffee, how much electricity used while making coffee, breakfast, bath, etc. Then there’s the habit of smoking and its impact in the health of the person, whether it is a habit or just for socializing and it may also affect the trend whether this person will retain this habit in the future or not. When person A work, how long does he sit, call, check emails and so on. There are plenty of data in even the minutes detail, which evoke the study on human behavior, consumer behavior and many other things. This data also became the trigger of why the influencers also picked up certain themes at one moment and other in the other, evoking debates and this also collecting many other supporting data. That is why I say that data is a fascinating subject because it touches many things and can igniting much other.

Another example, Company B is using 2kgs coffee bean in average, however during June and December the usage is only 1kg beans due to holiday, or in March the usage is 4kgs due to some other reason. Although it is a simple habit of coffee bean usage, this data can also affect many other things for Company B, and other companies that have cooperation with them. Therefore, data is not really a simple 1+1=2 but a myriad expression within that may make 1+1=100

Data-related profession is not only touching the aspects that can be easily seen like those habits, but it also digging deeper into the decision of why such things happened, and what will be the impact if certain things change. Management called it Plan A, Plan B, etc., some will say it as scenarios, and it all depend on the language each person use. Yet, it is coming from the same source, data that were taken from

Some people may say that data is fascinating, while others may have an indifferent attitude about it, or maybe some even find it boring. It all depends on the perspective of the people who are dealing with it. For business to thrive in this era and further, they need to be interested and delve even deeper than what they are doing right now. Because after all, there is one common thing each business has, which is their customers are people.

People are trying to develop Artificial Intelligence and each of the result breaking through its predecessor, it is in truth comprised of boxed information that interlinking each other in a seamless manner. Yet there are much more possibilities that have yet to be found even up to today. The algorithms itself is still calculating each possibility there in their designated box of expertise. Sometimes, the findings can cause someone to scrap the knowledge they have known for their entire life to be unbiased in accepting the new revelation.

Same as biography or autobiography that supposedly share certain person’s life story, it only zoomed in into chosen part of that person life that are worthy to be told of instead of all the nitty gritty. However, is that enough to know the person in deep? Definitely not. Because it is designed to let people know what they allow you to know. That is why in the title it is said that data is equivalent as a life story. Because you are only allowed to know what the presenter wanted you to know. Be it the process or other things that may or may not affecting the result, it is another different perspective.

 

= AS =

July 29, 2022

Beauty in Death

I was taking a morning walk today.

By an impulse, I took a different path than the usual way

And was greeted by a masmerizing view.

The sky looked different

The view were suprisingly neat, 

but in the middle of it

I was greeted by Death.

A lonely dead tree was standing in the corner of the road

Accompanied by vast empty field of grasses

Separated from its peers

That were bursting with vitality.

Yet I found it beautiful.

And the sentence came to me

"There's beauty in death"

Maybe it sounded weird

How come someone perceive beauty in something supposedly devastating?

How does Death become something positive?

Yet there are certain thing in life that is  sure.

Death.

Death, doesn't always mean life has gone

Death, can be the trigger for something to start

Death, can be the end of one, and the beginning for the other

And there are so many things that Death can bring.

It just need you to uncover the meaning of Death.

Be it work, love, life, family, and other

There always beauty in Death

Sometimes you are too absorbed in grieve

that you can't appreciate it's beauty

Until you realize it 

or not.

MBTI Test (2021) - ISFJ-T

https://www.16personalities.com/profiles/dddc8c93b4ee3 Somehow I forgot to post my previous result from earlier year, and this is the second (or if not third) one I did.

Covid-19: My One Year Reflection

 Many people were devastated. Many were saying that they were not ready when the pandemic hits them closer to their life. But who were ever ready with bad things that comes to your life?

During first 3 months, numerous business closes their doors. Unto the 6 months, many were laid off. Come to 9 months, even the big were struggling. But on the other side, people were forced to evolve. And those evolution impact to business.

Now on the 12 months, many small start up were struggling to make their name known, their business run, and letting other people to see the hope again. Desperation might be one of the keys for people to change their mindset about working and what are their aiming for.

For others, 12 months might be enough desperation to let them fight for their future. Yet there are still plenty that are still lost, wandering about their purpose and what do their dream about. Perhaps they can only dream, or even dream is a luxury thing for them.

Provided with many excuses, people tend to forget about why other can be successful and they can only look and feeling jealousy. They forgot that the successful people might have their own thorny road that they need to clear up so other can see the beauty behind those thorn.

Myself were still thinking of what the whole year were meant to me. Switching from the full office work to a hybrid of home-office or full work from anywhere was one of my dream came true. But do I work for the dream job I was wanting? Not really, but I try to do things within my capability to make it happen.

How long will it take for me to reach that? I do not know the answer to it because up until now I am still trying to find the answer, and there is no correct answer for the dream I’m dreaming of. That is because evolution is something that time has the answer of, and it also involves many other factors that is unpredictable.

It still saddens me when I go to the office and see all those empty chairs, wondering what it like was before this. All the buzz and interactions, no matter how small was suddenly seem important. Meeting over the phone can never beat the luxury of seeing the other party reactions upon your speech. And that what you are saying, matters.

As an ambivert, I love my solitude as well the mingle time. The hybrid workstyle works very well for me as it can satisfy my basic need of interaction. But does this work for everyone else? Definitely no. All the extroverts were forced to stay at home, and the way they can reach out was through the social media. But what they need is human touch, and the energy they share. Whereas the homebody might enjoy it at first yet facing the never-ending meeting can also made them wanted to turn off everything and go under the bunker even more than before.

Right now, there were vaccines going on for the immunity, but that does not cross out the virus from the world. It just gives somewhat the assurance for the people that the situation is slowly under control and they can resume to the normal life. But what is the normal now?

I would like to see what the next 3-6-9-12 months from now, what will the world be. A new world. A new beginning. A different kind of hope.

February 20, 2021

Moi 

The Four-Stage Strategy (of dodging the bullet)

 There was an old British sitcom in 1980s titled Yes Prime Minister in which one of its episodes ‘A Victory for Democracy’, introduced what was called “The Four Stage Strategy”. That was the outline of the standard advice response given in the time of crisis. As much political satire as it can be, those strategies were eerily prescient about all manners of things.

Subconsciously in life, we all are obediently adopting “the four-stage strategy (of dodging a bullet)”, just like a guideline.

Before going further with the explanation, here is what “The Four Strategy” about:

In Stage 1, we said, “Nothing is going to happen”

In Stage 2, we said, “Something maybe is going to happen, but we should do nothing about it”

In Stage 3, we said, “Maybe we should do something about it but there is nothing we * can * do”

In Stage 4 , we said, “Maybe there was something we could have done, but it is too late now”

Every single problem that we are facing in life, always start small. It never came big at first. The size happened to be big because of the snowball effect, and by then you get overwhelmed by it and can only hope you don’t get crushed under it.

Stage 1. “Nothing is going to happen”

This is the point where the problem just occurs, and it is not that big to catch your attention. People tend to think that it will pass by itself just like the other problems previously and didn’t really think of it too much.

Let me give you 2 sets of examples from different backgrounds for you to be able to get into it quickly and you can choose which one applies to your situation best.

Life Example:

               You smell gas at your home, but you’re in a hurry to go out for your appointment. You left home without checking your gas, thinking, “It might be someone burning something in their backyard. Nothing is going to happen”

 

Work Example:

               An employee suddenly did not perform as well as he did previously after his proposal was rejected by his leader. Without giving him enough feedback to reflect on his mistake and build his potential, the leader demands of him to keep on performing well. No one notices anything is wrong with that situation, thinking, “Everyone has been through the same. Nothing is going to happen”

What can be done? It seemed simple and trivial, right? Yet sometimes this unseen problem can be a bigger thing.

In life example, it would not hurt to check your gas for even just a minute, just in case, it is leaking. Or perhaps it may be your neighbor. But it will definitely prevent bad things to happen either at your place or your neighborhood.

In work example, the leader of that employee could’ve given the reason for rejecting his proposal and try to guide his team member by giving him some advice so that the employee can gain confidentiality of himself and he can deliver more. Also, perhaps when the employee showed a bit of troubled face, the counseling team (usually HR or professional counselor or secretary, etc) can go and reach him out to show that the company also care not only about the profit but the mental health of their employee. It may sound impractical and idealistic, but this is also only an example.

Stage 2. “Something maybe is going to happen, but we should do nothing about it”

At this point, you may already know something is wrong but you still think someone will handle the problem for you, or that it still will pass by itself.

Life Example:

               You knew your neighbor has the habit of burning their trashes, no matter what season it was. Yet this time is the summer where there was no rain for months, and yet the burning smell was different from the usual. You left home without checking what caused it because you thought that your neighbor is still watching the fire, “It is the driest summer and the neighbor knows better to watch the fire”

 

Work Example:

               The high-achiever employee has flunked through the evaluation and became one of underperforming employee for some period. Sometimes during working hour, he went unnoticed for a long time without any of the team members knowing. Some thought he was on a meeting, some does not pay any attention at all to him that they didn’t even notice him gone for a long time, basically no one knows where he is. The behavior of that employee was noticed by a promising newcomer in the company, which thought that it was the company ‘culture’ while deciding to see what the company will do to him.

Now you may see that there * is * a potential of problem arises on both cases, yet what can be done? Still looking not bad, right? You still think that it is alright to let things goes on just like it is, right? But how do you know that it will not become a bigger problem if you do not try to look at it and analyze it. Perhaps it won’t need a solution, but perhaps it shows the potential of an outbreak.

In life example, despite knowing the neighbor habit, you can try alerting the people at your home before going to watch things. Or you can try looking at what kind of change-making the difference at that time. Or even making your own prevention by making sure your yard was not easily catching fire.

In work example, the problematic employee could have been warned by his leader for not doing the normal like their peers. It will be a different case if he was in a meeting and his agenda was open for everyone else to see, but even if any of the team member does not know, at least a basic check by the leader is needed. The behavior perhaps looked simple and not harmful, but it can affect other people thinking that they can do the same thing without getting any repercussions which will lead to a spread of toxic thinking within the company.

Stage 3. “Maybe we should do something about it but there is nothing we * can * do”

By this point, you realized that the problem already occurred for quite some time and the effect was something you may not think of. Regret may have started to sprout, and you doubt yourself of why you didn’t handle this sooner, yet it is quite late to do it. But it is better to do something on the early stage before it grows into an outbreak of problems in the future.

Life Example:

               You got the call from your home, saying that some part of your backyard is catching fire and it has not been tamed yet. You thought that “maybe I should do something about it, but there is nothing I *can* do since I was away”, hoping that the people at home or anyone else in the neighborhood will help doing something about it.

 

Work Example:

               The problematic employee was still doing his job but not showing any improvement for his job and everyone else were dissatisfied with him as well but cannot do anything. Some good employees resigned because of their disappointment with the company for not doing anything to such person, and some others were started to show some decline of their effort at work. While the company keeps on pressuring everyone to keep up with the target for the year, the other employees got discouraged because they felt the problematic employee didn’t work as hard as they were and even then he still got the same treatment by the company without any warning or punishment.

The problem right now is real. The effect of not doing anything on the earlier stage is starting to get big, and you feel that you also cannot do anything at this point. But if you do something, what can you do? And what will happen after you do it? And where should you go after that?

In life example, you can try to call your neighbor home, or someone else at your neighborhood to help checking on the situation. It may be a branch catching on fire or the ‘culprit’ was trying hard to contain the fire but it was quite hard to do due to the size of spreading and somehow he needs help from other, yet cannot even shout help sue to he is being too busy taming his own house to notice the surrounding.

In work example, the leader could have warned or advised the employee yet was not heed by him because the company, in this case the HR also did not even do anything or issued any warning letter. Or perhaps HR already issued the warning letter and he tried to do better yet was not given appreciation because the leader thought that it was what he supposed to do. And because of his existence, the other employee working drive was slowly dwindle down but the company didn’t know what they can do to contain the situation.

 

Stage 4. “Maybe there was something we could have done, but it is too late now”

The title itself is already pretty much self-explanatory, right? You already see the problem is huge, even spreading out. Yet it’s also too late to try to contain it so all you can do is just cutting out the loss and hoping that situation will get better in the upcoming future.

Life Example:

               You saw in the news while on your way home that a certain area in your neighborhood was catching fire and it was spreading wildly to the other houses. When you arrived, your home was heavily burned and the people at your home was out on the street with soot on their face. The other houses on the same street as you were also caught fire and since it was found out early, the effect was not as bad as your house.

 

Work Example:

               The company was doing badly for the year due to some good employees resigned and the sales numbers did not reach the target, so in the end, they evaluate the whole organization and decided to release several underperformed employees, including the ‘initial’ toxic. After that, the company was basically understaffed and struggling to get back to their feet to recover from their loss.

 

All things always started small. When you did not put any attention on things and ignoring it without considering the effect in the long run, all it will give you was regret. Any amount of regret, no matter how small it was, does not have medicine. But every failure you faced in life can be a guide on how to reflect on other aspects. Not every solution will be available for you, some need trial and error, some need time to solve it. But all result, no matter good or bad, can serve as an example to make sure your readiness to handle the next problem in life.

To end this, I will be giving some possibilities for solving or prevention for both examples. You may agree or not, this is also part of a learning process for me too.

In life example, the spread of fire can be stopped if the neighbor dug a hole and burn anything there while making sure that the surrounding of it is not dry and easily caught fire. An accident can happen anytime, but people can try to minimize it beforehand.

In work example, should the leader take notice of the change of his team member and try to encourage his growth, perhaps the employee would not become worse. Or else, if the company counselor can be a mediator once they saw something is different from the employee, it is also can be one of the preventions.

Yes, life and work matter is on a different level of difficulties. There is plenty of influences affecting your decision in life, but everyone has their own need. Their basic understanding of things may differ, yet their basic life needs are eventually similar. As the old saying said, “do things that you want people to do to you”, let us try to be a bit more aware of our surroundings and do not be afraid of tackling the problem. Until then, let us do a reflection of things happening in our lives and hopefully, we can gradually adjust how we are looking at the problem ahead.

=AS= 1st April, 2020.

Insight Plus – Digital Leadership

 Nigel Stacey, one of Accenture Industry X.0 global lead was writing about ‘Leadership, not technology, makes digital champion’. There are several things that caught my attention in that article, mainly because I was contemplating a similar topic for quite some time without knowing how to address this issue properly or professionally. This article solved some of my questions, and even came up with other studies that support all the theories I’ve been having in the simplest word.

What is “LEADERSHIP” means in this digital era? Does it still need, given that people relied on the technology so much it's blurring the hierarchical lines and departments? The answer is “YES”. And it is even “HIGHLY” needed. Because technology changes nothing without the people ‘driving’ it.

Changes are exciting. But how can it become growth?

Growth requires focused execution and keeping this kind of implementation on track is the job of leaders. What kind of focused execution is needed then? That is strategic, deliberate changes in the behavior of a company and the people within.

Within the industry changes, there bound to be winners and there must be losers. And more often than not, the percentage of the winner and loser is not even 50:50, but it can be 20:80, or even an exaggerating number of 1:99

So what sets WINNERS apart?

There are many studies available that told us about how to be a winner, but not many can actually implement the suggestions or how-to in their life, less their company. For a company to be a winner, there must be something else that sets them apart from their peers or competition. One that was pointed out in the article was:

               “To maximize their scaling efforts, they’ve developed a muscle memory reflected and supported by their structure and organization “

This means that it is a habitual thing that was set in the beginning, with a joint effort from the whole organization within the company that continues to be perfected over time. Due to the repeating process of doing specific things, it became a muscle memory that does not even need any reminder anymore.

Continuing with the growth topic, the leader job can be quite hard too. Leading well and driving execution has never been easy. In fact, both companies and leaders have struggled with ever since the invention of the organized venture. And both have gotten even harder due to the inherent complexity of software, connectivity, and data.

A recent piece of Accenture research, ‘How to successfully scale digital innovation to drive growth’, points towards the key differences between the “WINNER/CHAMPIONS” and other companies, that can be linked to issue of leadership and execution. This research might not be the perfect answer to how leaders can succeed in handling the decision complexity, but at least it shows that all around us, companies are also struggling with the same.

There are 5 (five) critical areas that corporate leaders should focus on and master – with tasks to execute and skills needing to be developed that were highlighted by the report.

1.      Define the value that will guide innovation efforts

The leader needs to have the definition of the value company wants to create before setting the organization to the task.

This is critical because when the goal of the company is not clear, employees are more likely than not, end up trying to scale-up something that does not have rules or boundaries yet in order to succeed.

While it is good to have an aggressive stance on determining success, but the company needs to give a certain limitation in order to make sure that the employees can be held accountable towards their own work instead of flying over their scope and asking their leader to clean up after.

Creating a goal or value needs to be clear and concise. Therefore the much-needed element is clarity – of vision, strategy and the language within both – and also, aligning it with the business’ top management intention.

2.      Focus on internal organizational change and external digital value

What leaders should do is to strive to bridge the gap between what you are trying to scale for customers and the technologies deployed internally to support that scaling effort.

The best way to do this is to continuously blend digital transformation efforts with wider-reaching organizational change and change management.

Finding the right balance between implementing new technology and creating new ways of working is crucial.

3.      Build in-house innovation factories with targeted influence

Strive to grow new digital capabilities and talent within your organization as best as you can. Do not over-invest in hard-to-reintegrate spin-offs (or cheap copies) corporate start-ups or joint ventures.

New talent might be a solution to boost the growth of the company, but existing talents also need to be integrated and developed to be able to follow the current trend in the market. The company then integrate these talents into a new team which linked, and accountable to, the company’s profit and losses. By doing this, executives can have a preview of the impact on certain specified process or request before starting the larger-scale adaptation within the company.

In the study, the improvement shows what usually takes three years to be completed can be finished within eight months, using the same specific sets of requests.

4.      Find out what enables innovation in each business function

Technology alone might not change things, but it makes a difference than not. Leaders should learn enough about key technologies to understand where in their organization they might yield the best results.

This is also in line with the old saying, putting the ‘right’ person into the ‘right’ place than others, to their benefit. Those were called ‘enablers’, that help facilitate the process. Using Haier's famous unique organizational model “RenDanHeyi”, innovation technologies will never be separated from people and what user needs. Literally, “Ren” refers to each employee, “Dan” refers to the needs of each user, and “HeYi” refers to the connection (between employee and the needs of each user).

5.      Treat digital and innovation spending as investment, not as cost

Do give people the needed training to enhance their skills and give them the time and space to experiment and build innovation. Also, expect things to go slightly wrong before they get massively better instead of pressuring them to integrate the newly learned skill and expect that the result will be perfect.

Changes are difficult and driving it is never straight-forwards. But leaders should embrace the difficulties because over-time, leaders will learn to do it better. And once they know how to do that, growth will follow.

With the ever-growing need for technologies, innovation is highly needed and sought after. Yet despite many success stories and failures over the years, many are still grappling with transitioning to digital. To become a winner themselves, the company needs to catch up with the trend and quickly because the trend tends to fluctuate. If they failed to ride the wind of this, they need to wait for another trend or another breakthrough. Regardless of what kind of changes there are, technologies, innovation, or trends, it all was pointless without the people behind to drive it towards the desired destination.

Achieving success will depend on the commitment to develop and sustain an organization that is as innovative internally as it aspires to be for customers. When will you start your journey to become the winner? Start now!

 

-AS-

March 15th, 2020

Sources taken from here and here    

A Decade of Working Excerpt : A Decade of Learning

This is my first attempt to write things a bit “professionally”, but hey, someone needs to do this for themselves. I know that there are plenty of articles based on how you should work and doing the improvement in work life and so on. And here I am, doing the summary of what I’ve learned during my working period and hoping it will inspire you too. Or giving you ideas at least.

I’ve been working for more or less 10 years. Why more or less? If you see in my CV, it stated that I started my official corporate life since 2007, and this writing of mine is dated in 2020. Logically saying, it should be more than 10-yeas experience but hey, I down-counted it into 10 years.

Within the whole “official” working life, and the in-between job time that making my time looked wasted, I’ve learned a lot of things. And that is also exactly why I decided to do a milestone writing. Just so I also can reflect and look back at this moment in my next decade, or my possibly next endeavor.

This section will be a bit tl;dr so you might want to jump into the next one about the learning I did for the whole journey (go find the second section: The Learning)

I. The experience

When I was a junior high student, I’ve been dreaming of working life and being a financially independent person. I’ve made a lot of plans about my life like, start working at 20, having a good relationship and perhaps by 27 I will get married and start my own family. By 30 I might have 1 kid, counting on 2, while holding a managerial position in some good company.

Well, for me to be able to do that, it was ideally to be a good student so, at the first selection of employment, I would be able to land myself a good company that gives decent paycheck. But reality gave me challenges after challenges (and it still actively is).

I would not say I am a diligent and studious person. I’d rather do practice questions, stumble over the answers and trying my best to do shortcuts (if possible). What I think was that everything must have its own answer sheet and what matters is how you arrived at the conclusion of it, regardless of your way. Don’t get me wrong as my statement above can be interpreted incorrectly. I like a shortcut, but I always do it ethically. Thus, why I still struggling with my life until now.

When I was in my 2nd year of university, my family literally fell apart because my dad passed away. As the sole breadwinner, he was our family anchor. I was devastated, but I also need to be strong, so I decided to look for part-time work so I don’t need to add the family burden for my own food and transportation at least. And I sacrificed my study score to exchange it with a life skill.

By the time I graduated, the family saving was barely enough for our daily expenses, yet my average score is barely there to get me into a popular company. Luckily, one of my lecturers gave her recommendation to me to one of the small companies that she knew of and I officially got my first eligible salary. It’s not much and I still remember how it feels to actually have your paycheck transferred to your bank account. I’ve been working small jobs during my university, and they paid me in cash so you can imagine how insignificant was it that your employer doesn’t even bother to transfer your salary.

I tried to support the family fully since then. I saved for emergency funding in case something happened (no, I wasn’t dared to get insurance at that moment because what can you have when you only got paid for USD 350/month), I bike to work for more than 20kms/day to be able to save a mere USD 25/month just so I can go hang out with my friends once a month. While I was working, my friends were having a holiday before start looking for jobs. And yet, my company got restructured and I was let go.

Got unemployed for months lead me into a depression, but I can’t even succumb to it, and I started to struggle again to find another job. In between jobs, I took a challenging role in marketing and did door-to-door sales. Hey, a girl gotta do what they gotta do right? I even got the chance to go and expand the branch, but when a woman in the marketing section and they perform quite decently ( I don’t say well, but decent), rumors often happen. And my boss was believing it and again, let me go.

I wasn’t as down as the previous one because that was not the life I’ve been dreaming of as well. But I haven’t even got a proper one. Then I did try to find some small cash from online things (back in 2010, there are plenty of those still). Again, I struggled with interviews, the whole psychotest, and rejections. And land me another role in a small company. With a slightly better pay (considering the inflation, it was still a bit better)

And once again, let go because the boss doesn’t like how I put some restrictions on how they spend the company money (without caring about the future cash flow of the company). Maybe if you read it up to this one, you may think I was talking bad about my previous company but hey the company itself was gone bankrupt around 3-4 years ago so I can freely say it in the end. It was predictable since the boss did not care about the sustainability of the company.

At that time, I was leaning things already. That every experience I have in the company, all good and bad, was added up into my own level of understanding and shaping me into a better person, and hopefully a better leader.

I won’t dwell much about my other companies since it’s also too much information shared so let me continue to my supposed topic. What I learned in my whole decade of working for various companies and roles

II. The learning

Working for various companies and roles giving me some insight that not all companies are doing what in the textbook gave to you during your study. You need to be flexible, but also firm in your own beliefs, without giving way to things that are morally and ethically wrong.

Without further ado, I will list down several things that I learned during my first decade of work:

1.      Be passionate

Working may be tiring, but if you are passionate about your work, it won’t be as tiring as it looked like.

When you’re new to the workplace, you will be excited to implement your knowledge in the workplace. But let me tell you the hard truth. Most of what you’ve learned will not really show in what you’re doing.

2.      Establish your own flow and rules

Instead of only doing things by the book, or following what your supervisor had told you, be more creative. People have the ability to adapt, and therefore they evolve. This rule is not only shown in daily life but also in work life. So when you grasp the basic rule of what you need to do, you may be able to develop things by your own that may increase your own effectiveness and efficiency (and this also include your team members)

3.      Keep challenging your limit

I’m not encouraging you to do overtime. In fact, it’s been a while since I do one. Well, maybe once or twice a month due to a necessity, but other than that? Never.

What I encourage you to do was, try to challenge yourself to NOT do overtime, but keeping the current job (or maybe more) within the working hour only.

By doing so, not only you can have your own time for work-life balance, but the company will look at you differently and perhaps the next time you know, your promotion is at the corner.

4.      Exercise your right to say “No”

Nowadays, many people were seen working late at night in the office instead of going home to their family, or hang out with friends, or even just chilling at home, watching TV. Was it because the work was piling up? Perhaps.

But why? Because people are afraid to lose their job. Therefore, they are afraid to say a rejection for things that they may not be responsible to. That’s also why I said in point 2 to establish your own “rule”. Professionally of course.

5.      Keep your stress level in check

Please, please make sure you do this. Maybe you are not able to do things during the weekend due to family obligations or other reasons, but you can also take your leave just to make sure you don’t suffer from burnout from work.

Go on a vacation, do your hobbies, even go to the mall on working day without thinking of work can be a change of pace.

Many companies nowadays are trying to establish one day work at home where they encourage the employee not to go to the office to ensure that the employee was refreshed. You can go to a café, or stay at home and still working on your responsibility

6.      Be eager to learn

No matter how long you’ve joined the workforce for, never stop learning. I am not encouraging you to take a class or do an online course to add your skillset, but yes you can do that as well if you got the time (and money). As for me, I am more to the practical side since I know my will to study inside the classroom or even self-studying a book is practically none.

What I encourage more about learning was, no matter on which position you are, be it an intern, a senior, manager, or even CEO, you need to learn new things. And for me, the best additional learning I can get is from the people around you, from the secretary, the Planning Department on the next door, the intern, or even your own team member. Which means endless sources for learning and improving yourself.

7.      Be active to ask, “WHY”

Continuing the point above, learning and questioning came side-by-side. I’ve encountered several situations where I need to ask myself, why is this done this way and not that. Perhaps, you may see things differently than other people. And perhaps, things are actually blurry for others and you can give then the idea or some improvement from your simple “why”.

I encourage my team member to give me a question about things they don’t understand. Even a simple question of “What is the difference between GL, PL & BS?”. It makes me realize that my team member is eager to learn, and therefore I could also shape them into the people I can use better so we can grow together.

8.      Be confident of yourself

Not the blind confidence but real confidence that you are able to do things. Confidence and bragging may look the same, but bragging does not have a substance to the content, yet confidence was based on your own experience and can be seen from the way you do your work. Bragging people sometimes have their own substance to their bragging but you also need to be able to back it up with your skill to make your brag worth to listen.

9.      Be kind.

We never know what other people are facing. Some people can separate matter between work and other life aspects, but at times, the outer influence can also bring influence to the workplace.

Being kind does not mean that you are being used. Being kind is doing what you want others to do to you. If you wanted to be understood, then you also need to reciprocate the same way. Some said changes came from you, but others also said changes need a lot of people to move. How could you do the wave of being kind, if you are only waiting for the ripples to reach you before you do?

10.  Smile. First Impression lasts a long time.

Ever thought of why sometimes people look at you and smile, and you automatically smile back to them? No one ever hit a smiling person, unless they perhaps do it creepily. By smiling, you release the happiness hormone called endorphin to your brain little by little, and it will bring small changes to your body and the way you think. Believe it or not, you can actually deliver much more efficient work than if you’re only frowning.

So smile. Not only at work but implement it in your daily life.

There are many more points that I learned within my first decade of working, but I will stop at these 10 points for now. I might, or not, write more about things in the workforce. Or I might share things about life experiences, we never know. But I would like to thank you for sparing your time reading one part of my life and hope you can learn something out of it. If not, you can also treat it as one of the many articles that you’ve read before. The choice is all yours.

And by then, yours truly will leave the stage and fight for more experiences to share.

January 26, 2020

Moi 

 - This article is also posted in my LinkedIn - 

My Heart Poison

After our big argument today, I felt very not bad, but the need to release all the pent-up emotions that has built up for years with no outlet to release it.

I was thinking, ‘What will happen if this is my last day on Earth? Will this be buried with me? Or should I tell though it will cause another heartbreak?’ So, this is my so-called memoir, my own shred of sanity that still live within and my lack of wisdom on the age of 33 and half.

I am depressed.

Everybody knows that, but no one can help me because the source itself is very close to myself.

I know that my own mental stability is on the borderline of crumbling and thus why I, most of the time, act unreservedly.

I must admit this.

I hate you.

I hate my own mom.

She lied to me and cheated me of my own identity for 2/3 of my life by now.

When dad passed away, I tried my best to be strong because dad told me to take care of her.

I didn’t understand at that moment, but I learned that she is weak after a long time. And she is in the process of getting weaker by day.

I fully know that I, as the young and able one, should be the one holding filial piety because that’s what the world wants me to. And I fully understand that it is just right to act like that. By choice, not because you have no other way.

I envy other people that I know, they don’t really have to think about their life so much, and they can enjoy their life struggle because that’s what they choose to. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s the consequences they need to bear.

But…

I don’t really have such privilege.

Fuck with the doctrines of: “there’s someone else in the world that does not have such life as you”. I don’t know them; I only know the story. And I ain’t sympathizing them. Heartless? Perhaps. But I will reflect more to the type of people my parents introduce me with. Which are, the middle level and the rich. So, I can’t understand the struggle of lower people.

I was in the pedestal since young. We might have been poor before, but all I remember is that, no matter what, my parents are the one who provides everything so that I don’t feel lacking compared to the other kids on my age.

So yeah… When we were chased around by the debt collector, I was devastated. Why? Why my parents allowed this to happen? Why they didn’t tell me beforehand about this, so I can sail through it smoothly?

I experience the first turbulence of life in my middle school when dad was sick and need to be operate. I feel afraid. At first, I don’t know why. But now I understand. I was afraid because I am facing the unknown. I don’t know how I should react on the misfortune that befall me. Because no one I know is facing the same problem as me. Therefore, I am confused as how I should react. Do I need to keep smiling? Do I cry and let the whole world know what happen? But then, I remember that “I am alone in this. I have no one to rely on. So, I have to be strong.” Those are what my parents emphasize and instil in me since young.

Yes, I grew up with almost no cousins around. People of my age to play with are those from school because I keep on changing places to live, so even before I can establish a stable friendship, I need to nip it in the bud. And my parents are so busy working, they leave me behind for work from morning, and lots of the time until morning. I rarely see my parents except on weekend during my childhood.

I can’t even remember when it changed, my memories are erasing themselves slowly but sure. There were some changes in my life, and my parent, especially mom started to be home more often than before. I was glad. Yes, I admit that I am feeling lonely, but I need to understand that they are doing the work and all for my sake. So, I need to understand and not being clingy to them.

With time changing, I grew not to be dependent on my parents anymore. I won’t care if they come home late or does not come home at all. Silence was and still is my great companion.

I remember one episode in my life when I was stealing books in one of my frequent hangout places. I was curious as to what will my parents do if they knew about it. I can’t let go of the thrill. Will they be furious? Will they beat me up to a bloody pulp? Will they let me go to jail or youth detention center? I can still remember the thrill up until now, but funnily, I can’t remember their reactions. Perhaps it was not worth to be saved to my memory? I don’t know.

I hang out with the good people in the school because that was the “right thing to do”. But I’m also curious of doing the bad thing, but I don’t dare to do it because “it will break my hardworking parents’ heart”. So, I just hover around with the mildly bad ones. Still, my curiosity is there. But since I’m still living with my parents’ money, I should not do it.

I chose my university major to help my dad’s business because it was expected of me. I studied hard because I know he was trying hard to leave me with a legacy, so I won’t be struggling in life. Which major you think I want to take if not that? I myself don’t know. Perhaps I will also choose the same thing, just because I don’t want to be left behind by my peers. I can’t even remember my own passion from 15-20 years ago. I love to read, but that’s the extent of it. I tried to write but I am lacking life experience and can only imagine things.

I tried to recall my passion, but I cannot even find it. Perhaps the me right now is the epitome of dryness in life. My spirit cracked, my heart crumbled, my soul is there just for being.

It’s been a long while since I wrote about my feeling, too long since I throw out the darkness inside myself. Too long since I am truly can be in the middle of the busy street but feeling alone. Too long since I am having another drawback. So, I guess this is one of my prolonged ‘episodes’.

Back to the university period. I tried my best to study hard, ignoring the call for dating and all where my other friends already having their 2^nd spring or maybe more. But yet, in the end, I dated someone.

Do I love him that I broke my own resolve not to date while at the university? At that time no. I dated him because I need someone to be called a ‘boyfriend’ in order to block the other’s advantage. And B was the perfect choice. He is not handsome as people might think, so it kinda shocking to people perhaps. But he is kind. And he respects my decision. And he is really trying hard to understand me. Therefore, by time, I loved him even though I know I should not. And that also lead to our breakup. I don’t regret it at all. Because it is one sweet of memory in life that I really appreciate until now.

But the real reason why I let him go perhaps, I was broken.

My dad passed away after fighting with cancer for years. The last year of his life was spend at home, on the bed, in our ‘runaway’ home. With mom being the nurse. What am I doing? Struggling with the university. That’s my whole world at that time. Yes. It is a small world, but I am never the type that dreams big. I don’t even think that I dream at all. By that time, I was struggling because I knew that the legacy that was supposedly prepared and given to me was gone. I need to prepare myself to face the world after graduation.

I realized that I was broken back in high school.

I felt the crack in me. But I don’t know what that was. I am not prepared.

And because of that, the crack created a gorge. With no bottom can be seen. I guess, if I take a leap on that gorge now, I will die. For sure it ain’t heaven, but I am more willing to embrace the hell than this life.

When dad passed, I can’t even remember how we live. I remember we are once again changing home, out of Jakarta, which is until now is still ours. It is hours away from the heart of the city back then and still is. Yet it was the only solution we had at that moment.

One big event that put me into despair was, mom suddenly throw out some shitty truth about my life. That it was partially a lie.

My known dad is not my dad. And that she was wanting to go die with him. I felt unloved. And unwanted.

My own biological dad throws me away from his life. And even my mom, after my whole life known dad is gone, wanted to go with him. Then why am I even alive for?

Then came another problem. We have no money left. And I still have … 1-2 years in the university. I was all prepared to drop out due to the sky-high fee and coming to the workforce earlier than my other peers. As well as prepared not to contact any other people I’ve known in my life because it was I felt the shame of, dropping off the prestigious place and hitting rock bottom. But I don’t know how it came to, but mom borrowed some money from her friends to let me continue with the school.

Then I came to know my biological dad family, which are a well-off one and thought, why don’t she take their money? After all, I shared some of their genes. I started to blame the stupidity of my mom for that. Why are we forced to live in poverty, whereas my dad family is living happily? Why can’t we enjoy the same privilege? I have no answer to that, and I don’t care to know of it anymore

And came to another problem. Mom whined because she does not know what to work and earn money. She started to list out her problem of: “I’m already too old to enter the workforce and restarted. I have no sufficient experience, etc, etc.” And I came to start hating her more and buried it deep in my heart.

I wrote this not to justify myself. Not to have people judge me because of how unfilial I am. Or having spectators of how a failure I am as a person. Or having anyone told me what to do.

I wrote this to try let go of my grief. Trying to free me from the shackle of the morality of the world. And perhaps, embracing the wickedness of me. And by then, I might no longer feel the need to cry.

I joined the workforce right after I soft graduated. My degree has not even put the ink into the certificates, and I am already working. Perhaps someone else would say, ‘I also work since young’ but I don’t care. This might look like a self-pitying moment, yet people are born on a different level of intricacies.

By then, I need to pay for the house bill, as well as my own transport. I tried my best to save for unknown circumstances and yes, that happens. All the time.

I changed companies, trying my best to lay low in order not to get fired because I need the paycheck to ensure our livelihood. And yet the unknown still happen.

I remember back in 2007, my salary was a measly 3.5 mio (approx. USD 240) and I have to make sure that everything was paid when it’s due. I remember in order to save more, I forced myself to do bike-to-work, in the pretense of ‘exercising’ to make sure that I still have spare change to go and meet my friends. I remember I only took around 600k (approx. USD 40) each month to pass by where the rest of it was given for the home bills. And those numbers, I made sure that I saved around 100k (approx. USD 10) each month.

The days of limiting myself to everything changed when I joined one company in 2014. It was a lifeline for the exhausted me. I was overly depressed from being in and out of work due to various reasons, as well as broke with debts that I tried not to tell anyone. I was in the red and this company came along. A soft cushion that gave a bit of color to my dull life. Until I learned that there was an old dispute between this company and the family that threw me away. Then all hell breaks loose again.

Yes, I know it won’t justify anything I’ve done or said. Or even I myself don’t know what I want up today. Because my aim since ‘that’ day was just ensuring my dad word to me. To take care of mom. I’ve been living, just to make sure that she does not need to work. To make sure she is all well and healthy. And that she got enough money to do whatever she wanted. Because I am an unwanted person. Therefore, there is no need for me to dream. There is no reason at all for me to think about living. It’s all façade. I’m living my life because I must ensure someone’s beloved as well. That’s all.

This is my heart poison.

And my heart and soul already dyed black all these years.

I am beyond salvation.

Filial piety is the word that people keep on associating with how children need to show to parents. For me, it is the law.

I need to work hard, save up to make sure that she can live and do everything my dad used to do for her. At any cost. But also I need to make sure that I don’t bring shame to her. Because I was born a girl. Fuck that.

I can get easy money by selling my body years ago, but I know it will give her shame even though it will make it easier for me to reach my goal. A lot of people do that, but I should not.

I wanted to go out of the country to test my luck, but I need to make sure her livelihood as well. Therefore I don’t go. Because I am bloody worthless for not being able to provide the life, my dad, been providing before to her.

I wanted to kill myself, but then I thought the life insurance does not give the benefit if the death is by suicide. Therefore I still keep on living.

But I also made sure that I keep my relationship clear. I don’t want to drag anyone into my messed up life caused by myself. This is exactly why I decided to not getting married, not because I don’t have anyone pursuing me or what… But because I don’t want me to become a burden to other people. I’ve become a useless baggage in my parent’s life all these times, I cannot do what people expect a wife should do (I’m a fucktard in the household things), I am poor that I cannot contribute to my partner life, and I do not have any will to live myself. Those are several reasons why I don’t want to have a family. Or being involved with other people. So I can disappear quietly when the time came. And no one will miss me.

Because my disappearing is good riddance of the trash of the world.

And I am tired of living a trash life.

~~

Moi,

16 May 2019