Surprise from Secret Admirer

“Oh shit! Guys!!! Come here!!” Jin who had just looking at the calendar cursed and calling the other member to the living room.

“In a minute, hyung. I almost finish this level” Taehyung shouted from his room.

Namjoon drag his feet along with Yoongi who seems more lethargic than usual because of their practice for their upcoming concert and flop down on the sofa, near Jungkook who was doing his homework.

Hoseok came out from the shower with his hair still wet and towel on his waist. “What’s wrong hyung?”

“I’ll tell you guys later when everyone here” said Jin curtly.

“Tae, just pause your game and come here” Jimin came out the room not too long after with Taehyung behind.

“Good. Now you all here, do you know what date is it?”

“One week before our concert?” Jungkook chimed in. Everyone else nodded.

“That too. But what’s more is it’s less than a month from Y/N noona’s birthday” Jin said matter-of-factly. Namjoon looked shocked, Suga just twitched, Taehyung and Jimin looked at each other while Jungkook open and closed his mouth in a gape. What break the silence is Hoseok scream.

“At that time, we will do our album tour. Noooo!!!”

Jin nods. “That is why, I think we need to plan something so she won’t feel alone on her birthday”

***

The first time I met the group was during their move. It was the day when I was so sick of work and just want to laze around the house so I took some leave days, and they are so damn noisy!! I get out of my safe and warm room just to see what kind of commotion was there but then my eyes was greeted by 7 (yes, it’s seven and not just one) beautiful young boys, perhaps younger than my brother. I didn’t know who they were at first. Because of my work, I rarely watch TV. Even my social life is kind of limited since I don’t really like to go out. Dating is another years of absence and I don’t even think about it. I can even say I’m a loner, but as long as I’m happy with it, I don’t really care.

One of them notice me glaring at them and he bow politely. Later on I know him as Yoongi, the bleached blonde guy. Another one notice me and he was so beautiful it kind of making me forgot how to breathe. “I’m sorry for all the noise. We thought it was best to move on the working days because it won’t disturb others since they will be at work” he smiled and I just remember to exhale. He was Jin. “I was taking some leave, so yea… It’s okay you guys can go on.” I stuttered weakly.

An orange haired boy (yes, I call them boys because I know they are way younger than I do) came jogging to my fence and greeted, “I am Taehyung, nice to meet you” I notice his smile is bright and immediately liking him, not knowing how mischievous he can be at times. At that moment I decided to cook something for the boys since they won’t be able to cook for a while with all the stuffs they were downing from the truck.

The one who tend to the door was Jin and he gave me a bit of startled look before he smiled. “Oh, the neighbor from before. What can I do for you?”

“Ah… I was wondering that you guys must be busy cleaning the place that you probably getting hungry so I bring something to eat. It’s not…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence when someone shoved me through the door. “..much..” Flustered, I was inside the place before I knew it and the one who pushed me in took the tray I was holding. “I’m Hoseok. Thank you for this, we are actually famished and can hardly wait for our manager to get back with food” He had a very bright smile and I liked him already. “I’m Y/N”

“Then… I’ll get back” I’m not used to be with a lot of strangers so it was a very awkward situation for me but Jin hold my shoulder and even encourage me to sit down in one of the clear area they prepare to eat. “We cannot accept your kindness with empty hand, so I hope you can join us?” Receiving that kind of gesture made me a bit uncomfortable so I nodded weakly.

“Time to eat guys!” Jin called out and soon the place is crowded with all the boys coming out from different rooms. When they first saw me, they were frozen at place but then Hoseok said, “Y/N Noona brought some food for us” and sat beside me while Jin on my other side. Soon they followed suit and we ate together, even after the Manager came back. That day, I learned that they were an idol and that the place they were staying will be their second dorm.

Due to their schedule, I often see them going back home at crack of dawn, exhausted. Their bodies developing in rapid growth which amazed me since my own brother, Ken, didn’t even have their build and he was kind of a gym rat. I often sent them some food, and they repaid it by helping out at my place sometimes. I kind of feel they were just like my brother, especially Taehyung, whose birthday on the same day as Ken.

***

“I was looking for some bouquet” said Suga “But I’m confused what kind of flower she like?”

“Rose will never be wrong” Namjoon replied while he was busy browsing with his own laptop.

“But the meaning can be misinterpret by others. I don’t want to put Noona in difficult situation, especially in front of her crush” Hoseok said while scooted closer to Suga, trying to see what kind of flower arrangement the web offered.

“It’s not exactly her crush. It was him who showed some interest first, but I wish Noona could elaborate some more. You know how timid she can be with guys sometime” Jin reminded by how Y/N act the first day they were moving. At first he was a bit cautious because he thought that Y/N was a fan, and it will complicate things if it was known where they were living now. But when they knew she didn’t even have a clue as to who they are, and that she thought of them as dongsaengs, they warmed up quickly to her and even think of her as their family replacement.

“Lily looks nice” Jungkook who just came back from school dropped by the small studio they had in the dorm before going to his room.

“What do you think of this?” Taehyung showed a picture on his phohe, of a long stemmed pastel flower with several colors. “Her image fits this flower”

“What was that?”

“It was snapdragon. The meaning is the flower is I am dazzled by your charm”

“Nice. Let’s put it as one ingredient” Suga quickly scribbled on his note. “Why don’t we try to find flowers that resemble her then?” he added with a several head bobbing up and down in agreement. “That settles it then. Give me your suggestion and I will try to combine it later”

“I’m thinking of order a custom cake for her, and when we came back them we can make one” Jimin suggest.

They spent their whole free evening trying to make a plan for their beloved Noona’s special birthday that they won’t be able to attend to.

***

It’s been weeks since I saw them coming back from their world tour and they were still so busy, preparing for their concert, they said. I wasn’t even surprised anymore with their schedule. I learned to enjoy their songs, and their performance awe me. How could someone so young have that much energy, and that the energy are transferred to all the audiences. They are dazzling I might say.

Their concert already ended, and so one day they came to my doorstep and bid farewell because they need to promote their album now. And a bit of sadness crept in my heart because I know I will once again be alone.

Alone. It’s a very sad word. Lonely, dark. I was alone until my baby brother came to me. My world suddenly bursting, full of colors and I cannot even imagine a world even more wonderful than that. Those years of watching him grow up, went to school, going on his first date. Unknowingly, a tear drop on my cheek while the reminiscence of my late baby brother relapse with the farewell the boys. And suddenly I felt pulled to a very warm hug. Several of them actually with the words of promises that they will always be in contact with me and that they are never forget me even if they were away, followed by more tears from me and I can even saw Hoseok eyes turned watery and Jungkook even sniffled a little.

***

I can hear my secretary squeal even before I see her running to my room. “Y/N, there is a special delivery for you!” and she dragged me to the reception desk with so much force I stumbled a little. I was confused by her giddiness but I let myself to be brought. There I saw a beautiful flower bouquet full of every single color I love, some of flowers I don’t even recognize. But the bouquet itself was colourful and I was speechless. “There is a card!!” she picked it up and try to open the card but I snatched it from her. “Know your place, you bitch!” I said to her playfully.

Inside there was a message, ‘Even though I cannot celebrate it with you, please know that I will always thinking of you. Wait for me.’ It was cryptic and I’m confused as of who the sender was. “Delivery for Y/N” This time another delivery man from a well-known patisseries. The secretary and receptionist eyes were bulging so big I quickly open my phone and take their pictures. “Who is this from?” I asked. “It was a preorder cake, so I don’t know the sender. But there is card.”

This time the card says, ‘I always love how your soft scent linger behind. And how soft your skin is like the top cream of cake’ I burst out laughing even though I haven’t even finished reading. The card would be from Jimin because he always try to be like a Shakespeare but always end up with cheesy pick up line. I open the cake box and hear collective gasp including mine. It was a simple cake with the shape of carry-on, with my photo that I don’t even know how and where were taken printed on it and there also scribbling on it, ‘Happy Birthday our Smiling Princess’

***

“I hope Noona likes our surprise” Taehyung said while he were being make-up.

A ring came through to Jin phone. “It’s Noona” Jin calmly said before flipping open his phone while the other members came closer.

“YAH!!!” A loud shriek making Jin flinched and he hesitantly put the phone on loudspeaker for the sake of his ear drums. The other members looking at the phone and Jin, “How could you…. Who was responsible of doing this if it’s not you, Jin? This is… this is so extravagant I don’t deserve all this, boys.” A sniffle.

Everyone looked at each other, worry etched on their face. “It was your birthday!” “We thought you will like it” “We’re sorry we can’t be there” “Don’t cry Noona” “I love you Noona” Everyone try to say something at the same time but it came out as a series of incoherent shouting on Y/N’s side.

“Yah.. Jiminie…”

“Yes Noona”

“Do you think you’re a Romeo? Hahaha… It was obviously you who wrote the card on the cake.”

Jimin smiles sheepishly while the others laughing at him.

“And Yoongi, when did you take my photo?” Yoongi was taken aback. “It was beautiful I want you to send me the file” Everyone attention now on him, the photographer of the group, and he was smiling bashfully.

“Tae,” “Here”, “I know you’re there. Your choice of flower is interesting as usual, but it’s beautiful” Everyone eyes now on him, trying to protest that they are, too, took part in it. “The rose must be from Namjoon, baby breath from Jin, freesia from Hoseok” now everyone eyes widen because how accurate the guess is. “Larkspur must be your choice, Kookie. Peony from Jimin and Lilium Casablanca must be Yoongi’s”

“How… “

“How come I guess it? Perhaps because I know your personalities better, my dear Kookie” They can see the smile in her voice and it warm their heart instantly.

“We will be back soon, Noona. Then we will properly celebrate your birthday together” said Taehyung.

“Delivery for Y/N”

“What is this guys?”

They looked at each other now with curiosity. They only have plan for 2 surprises but…

“Oh my god! How could you? Boys, we surely need to talk about your extravagant spending this time. A hand bag?!”

“It’s… not from us…”

“Noona got a secret admirer!!!”

~~

So I will end this here if not this will get sooo long I would be run out of ideas. But a simple wish wont hurt right? I;m gifting myself with a not so secret gift for my upcoming 30th birthday this time.

The one who always watching you

Drip… drip…

It’s dripping again. A crimson red against the white.

I look up to the sky and see all blue and white and feel the dizziness that always follows whenever the episode happen. Sighing, I reach out for the tissue in my bag and shove it to my nose. The episode is a frequent thing that happen to me ever since I’m young, but nowadays it came faster and more often now and I don’t even know what to do.

Or to break the news.

It even break my heart to think about telling it to them. I still can picture their smile when I get out of the hospital years ago, how they always excitedly plan each other birthday and never forgetting mine even though I’m only a childhood friend of their member, how they always take care of me whenever I’m sick. And how their eyes always darken with worry every time I get admitted, just like a family would.

I can’t even imagine how they will take it when I tell them.

~~~

 “Hyung… Don’t you think that ___ looks kind of ghastly these days?”

Yoongi gave annoyed look at Tae that suddenly barge into his room. He hasn’t been able to put any beat together for the past hours despite the deadline he already set for himself, so now this distraction is the last thing he need.

“Don’t you know that I…”

“But ___ is here now, Hyung. I thought I just want to let you know that”. After that he left, without closing the door, mocking him to go out from his sanctuary just to take a look at the girl he secretly admire for all these years.

Looking at the instrument and his surrounding, he take a deep sigh, abandoning the current project he was doing and leave them to see ___.

Like always, she is surrounded by the gang. Her existence alone is enough to make the place brighten because what can you expect from all 7 guys to live in the same place except the dirty laundry cluttered everywhere, trash and junk food. She often came just to hang out and bring some homemade food because she knows all too well that they would miss the warmth and taste of family. 

Sometimes she even help to nag the boys to clean up a bit, which they did. Yoongi never see anyone else that could tell the boys what to do without them throwing a lot of fuss. Only her, and he is grateful to the guys for that.

Yoongi stood still while seeing her interact with the other member who are in the dorm at the moment. Jungkook as usual sit at the furthest spot from her because of his shyness even though his eyes are darting some jealousy toward Tae, who is putting his head on her knee and let her pat him while chattering away. 

“Ah… You here at last”

Her smile as usual lifting up his mood and he smiles back. But then he remember what Tae said earlier and take a better look at her in a quick glance while striding towards the fridge to take drink.

“You looks like you lost a few pound. Are you alright?”

His back are facing her so he doesn’t even see the surprised look that passed across her face, but Tae feels the tension on her body and carefully observe her.

“Well… I’m on a diet lately because my clothes are starting to get stuffy, so yea.. do you like it?”

“No. I like it better when you have a few on you” Yoongi said.

“And your thighs were fluffier” said Tae with his rectangle grin.

“… And you look fresher before” admit Jungkook softly, more to himself but actually loud enough to be heard by others, which brings everyone eyes on him because it came so unexpectedly from him.

There are several second silence that follows are suddenly erupted with Tae’s laughter and he jumps on Jungkook to ruffle his hair. “So you do like Noona here but you’re too shy, eh?” which makes the maknae’s ears going red with embarrasement.

Yoongi came to sit by her side and drape his arms around casually. “Yes, I definitely like the way you feel before.” And making me worry about you, is what he didn’t say out loud.

~~

“I heard that ___ came earlier” Namjoon who just gets in the dorm from his latest job asks around.

“You missed her, Hyung. Jin hyung drove her home a few minutes ago. But she brought some food” Tae point to the table where the food are abundant. “Some are her colab with Jin tho, so I don’t dare say anything” he commented after seeing Namjoon’s face who look like could drool anytime soon before back to the game he was playing.

“Where’s Jimin and Hobie?” Ignoring the information Tae gave, Namjoon walk to the table and start eyeing the food.

“Practicing as usual” said passing Jungkook. “And Yoongi hyung is in The Room” which came into other’s understanding that he is doing another project for them.

Meanwhile in The Room, Yoongi is not even touching his instrument and just staring blankly at the paper in front of him. He was trying to pour out his heart once again into the lyrics, hoping that the message would come across to her. But the feeling overwhelm him and he, once again, fallen to the depth of abyss where no word exist to describe what he feels. Yoongi the genius is beaten once again by that woman and he succumb now to the sleep that came to him with feel of her long hair that tangled on his finger and her sweet scent that teasing his sense.

~~

Yoongi felt like his soul is drifting peacefully on a boat that goes to nowhere when a rift suddenly wrecking the serenity of his surroundings.

“Hyung… Wake up… Hyung… It’s ___ Noona” The first thing his blurry eyes see was Jiminie worried look and a flurry of activities outside the room where Tae and Jin running here and there. 

Then the word registered to his brain and he quickly getting up.

“What happen?”

Jimin looks at him sadly, when he suddenly hear Namjoon saying “Where the hell is that sleeping bags?” on the background, and Jungkook is strolling casually with his backpack.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Huh? What?”

“Hyung!! Quick!! It’s almost time to go!” Tae shout from the kitchen.

Then it registered in his mind that today is the day ___ asked them to go out on a trip with them, so he jumped out from his chair where he accidentally took nap in and go to the shower before everything else because his bag is always ready.

~~~

Drip… Drip…

It’s dripping again. It’s already the second time this morning.

I dreadfully hope that the episode won’t come when I’m with them. I really want to have fun with them, making them happy like they always do to me, without them worrying about me. Shoving up the tissue up to my nose, I carefully pack my necessities in a bag and hiding my medicine in the secret compartment. I can only pray that nothing will go wrong in this trip. And for sure it will be the most prized memories of mine.

Looking back to my room, I carefully closed the door behind and go to the dorm for the two days one night trip to my family vacation house.

~~

“Waaahhh!!!! It’s the sea!!!!!”

When the car stops, the excited member are pouring out one by one and running towards the beach, leaving only Yoongi and me inside the car while the managers are taking out the baggage.

 “Shall we go then?” Yoongi hop down the car and stretch his hand towards me.

The night came and we build a fire down the beach and playing with fire flower. Namjoon is being his philosophical self, standing out in the dark and gazing at the sky that is full of stars, perhaps thinking about the universe. Tae, Jimin and Hoseok are playing around with Jungkook. Jin is busily doing the barberque and Yoongi is laying down with his phone, working out any melodies he could get.

I was watching the fire on my stick burning slowly, while hoping that the amber won’t drop before the stick finish so I can get to say my hope when I hear Yoongi talk.

“Well.. ___, Thank you.” There are a lot of things that Yoongi want to thank for, but he is indeed the man of few words so he feels that he doesn’t need to explain himself. Especially to her.

“It’s been my pleasure.” She looks at the members that were running on the private beach and back to Yoongi “I hope all of you having fun today. I’ve been wanting to do this ever since…” She drew a sharp breath, realizing what she almost do. She left her word hanging in the air, but Yoongi know why. Because they both know that it was something all of them don’t want to recall. The day when she get her operation, they were doing their promotion tour and they felt really sorry about not being able to be there for her support.

“Hyung, what are you doing? We are going to light up the big one” Jimin called from the end of the beach.

Yoongi got up and pat himself clean and offer his hand to ___. “You coming?”

~~

“I told you, she was acting weird.”

“She looks so gaunt. I think something is weird”

“Did you realize that she barely go anywhere else? After the effort of taking us here, she prefer to take a rest and not going out with us”

“Do you think her illness came back? Is that why she take us here? To make memories?”

The guys are gathering in my room and Jin after ___ ask permission to go to bed early, and talking mostly about how ___ act strange but I try not to get anything into my head. I don’t want my dreadful feeling that I get whenever I take her hand in mine becoming true.

“I saw her tears earlier”

What Tae said snap my head to see him. And it’s not only me. Everyone else paying attention to him too, so he continued, “I wanted to make sure Noona see the big fire flower we set, but then she looks up and a drop of tear get down. It’s not a lot, just that moment and she was quickly wipe it so I am not really sure what it was before”

We all grew silent because of that, and once again I feel that her presence if fading away like the sand in the beach that gets carried away by the wind.

Namjoon is the one that breaks the silence, being the wise leader he is. “If she doesn’t want to tell us now, we just need to make sure she got all the memories she want. I’m sure she is waiting for the right time to tell us whatever in her mind”. He looks at me as if he knows what kind of turmoil happen in my heart right now.

I look at him gratefully and we close the night with such heavy lead in our heart. Thinking of our beloved ___.

~~

The morning after, everyone is busy packing away their stuffs and forgetting the serious conversation last night. It was like some sort of unspoken agreement not to bring it up at all so they act like they usually do, cheery and noisy with a bit of pranks here and there.

“It’s weird, Noona usually already up by now” Jungkook said.

“I went by her room earlier but there is no sound so I thought she was still sleeping” Jimin said.

An alarming look passed cross each of their face and their eyes dart toward the room and I and I can’t ignore the alarm that goes on in my head that becoming louder with each step I take toward her room. I don’t even know how I get there, but when I realize that I’m already in front, my hand is trembling.

As I open the door, the first thing I see is ___ sitting down on the bed, her hand is red. I dart toward her and see that the damned nosebleed came. That damn episode she got years ago. The same episode that sent her to the operating room. And the image of the tubes that come in and out of her body, the way she looked so fragile, those painful cries every time she went through the treatment, all came crashing at once to me, overwhelm me. And then I see her eyes. I remember the hollowness in her eyes years ago before she get the operation schedule. How dark it is. But now, though I see the same abyss I’ve grow sick of, this time there is something else. Something like acceptance, surrender, peacefulness, and I am truly puzzled of how she react this time.

“I’m sorry. I thought I would be fine at least until this trip end. I was planning to tell you that this might be my last time seeing all of you before I go. Then I could go to the treatment again without you guys worrying about me”

“How… how long since this?”

“The operation last time didn’t succeed. My body reject it so yea…”

“All this time?”

“I’ve been going through the new treatment but I think my body build some resistance to it now. So they plan to put me through the new procedural they found, but it is in France. And I thought this would be my chance to make memories with you before I go and you becoming busy again with the album promotion”.

“Will you…”

“I don’t know… but let’s put our hope in this one”

“I hear someone calling my name” Hoseok jumping in and the others follow suit

“Noona, let’s get better and we can go out again after that, shall we?” Taehyung said, slipping himself between ___ and Yoongi, half hugging her. “After you get back, we could go somewhere to eat and maybe catch movies together”

“We should go to a picnic then” Jin added which brings groans from the other, not because his cooking is terrible but more to him being too innovative with food that sometimes they cannot even recognize the taste.

“We would go to a world tour and perhaps then we could even see you there, ___” even Namjoon chime in.

My eyes getting hot and blurry because of the tears that I’m holding, but then with all the love the guys pours for me, I can’t hold it any longer and I cried with relief after all this time being silent about this. I really don’t want to make them sad or wary, so I was planning to leave them at least a good memory if the treatment don’t go well. After all, the treatment in France is something I volunteered to do. It was a new kind of treatment so there are almost no chance it will be successful, but I do hope everything will be alright

~~

It’s been 42 days since I was admitted here. I am glad that I am here, because I don’t want the guys, especially him, to see me at this state. I look at my bony hand which came with blue and purple color from the needle that countlessly pierce through my skin. I am running through several test a day, and it exhaust me of not physically then mentally.

“And now we will hear the new song from Bangtan Sonyeondan, ‘Haruman’” The radio inside my room playing the newest song by the group and I know by now they must be busy promoting it.

I like that, your long, straight hair
Your breathtaking neck when you put it up and the strands that fall out

My eyes start to water. No longer I have the long hair that he likes, let alone any hair.

Your voice when you say my name

My voice even cracks now because of the medication.

Let’s meet when the lilies bloom and say goodbye when they wither
I didn’t think I’d get over you easily but
Is it selfish of me to hope you are the same?

By now my face is drenched by tears as I listen to the lyric that is come from the guys’ heart.

I’ll confess to you, with the moon as our light

All of these things tell me

“If I have just one day, it’s possible”

Can you please stay with me?

~~

The dead silence drop like a bomb in the dorm. A silence that is very rare to be, because even while sleeping there bound to be sound. Everybody is in a gloomy mood, but one particular person is in despair. All because of a box that came earlier with a letter and a box of white powder. A box with the stamp of France.

Dear Yoongi,

If you manage to read this letter, it means that I am no longer fighting this illness, and that I can no longer see you in this world. But I will definitely watching over you from the other world.

Be sad not because in the end I am free at last

Regret not because all this time I get to know the wonderful side of you

And I want you to remember only the happy memories we all have

I know how much you love me, and I also know how hard it is for you to even say it, but I know. I just don’t want to make anything happen because I don’t want to tie you with my unforeseen future.

I already told the people in the facility to burn me and scatter my ashes there, but also to send some to you so you can properly say goodbye to me while you let my soul rest in peace with the wind.

Please forgive me and I pray for your happiness

The one who always watching you,

___

PS: I heard the “Haruman” song… and I can say that it’s the greatest love song someone ever wrote and I bet your success.

PPS: Tell the guys I love them too




~~~
To be truth, I tried to posted it using submission in one of fan based blog (tumblr) but I havent heard from her and Im just too lazy to try find someone who can read this and give me input so yea.. Here I am, posting it on my own blog (coz I need to wait for sev days to join AO3, and I totally forgot my username (or if I do remember, then my password) for LJ, AFF, etc. Me and my forgetfullness
Do expect something more from me from this blog. I don't want my baby to be buried like that, no matter how messed up my grammar is.

Vampire Night - Party Time (Shuu) (moved)

I am truly sorry for this inconvenience, but this page is moved to another page

Here's the link to it:

http://purappaff.blogspot.com/2012/09/vampire-night-party-time-shuu.html

I'm truly sorry for this. m(_ _)m

Night Time

A soft clicking on the keyboard and a buzzing sound of the computer's fan.
A slow music on the background and a slight aroma of coffee and brandy.
A heavy sigh and a creaking bed.
Just like the other nights, for what seems like a hundred nights.

It was lively, it was bright.
It was full of fun, it was warm.
It was heated, and most of all, it was love.
But all was paused. Or did it just stopped?

No one really know how does this started.
Suddenly the atmosphere changed without anyone realized.
Or did it started due to no one realized it?

The late night chat of daily routine
Added with a glass of wine for special occasion
A heated kiss that lead to a more heated session in the wherever room.
But all stopped suddenly.

Trying to figure it out somehow.
When does it started?
And since when the killing quietness became a routine?
Where does all the light in your eyes and the glow on your skin dried away?

The loud clatter of broken china
The banging on the door
The shout and the sobs
And suddenly, nothing.

I did that, I realize.
All you need was someone who can listen
All I want was an understanding
I didn't see all that's coming.

A withered flower on the corner of the windowsill.
Boxes of take-away food
Lots of paper scattered on the floor
And mountains of dirty clothes untouched.

When I realized, I know it perhaps too late.
What are you thinking alone?
What burden are you bearing alone?
I never know nor care.

A little bit will do
Share the heavy burden on your shoulders with me
I will do anything I can
As long as I can do it


There is some scene here that I love... The intimacy, the warm fuzzy feeling it gives me, and the past love. And a hope of having someone that will share his burden with me and mine him. Minus the gloomy side of course :).

Stormy Heart

Water. A lot of water. From the side, above and everywhere. A boat is just floating in the middle of it. And a person on it didn't even make a move. Everything seemed like there's a someone hitting a pause button.

The boat rocked gently from the waves beneath it. Yet the person won't budge. Staring at the reflection on the water that never been clear because of the waves and the rain.

The wind keep its pace, blowing stronger each passing moment, blowing the hat that the person been wearing, revealing a thick long hair, belonged to a woman. Yet she still won't budge, lost in her own thought. Drowning without being drown.


A flashback started.

She was in a room with a big couch that supposedly make everyone that came to the place feel comfortable. But not her, and she thinks that no one ever does. After all, on the couch, all of their inner thought would be revealed.

"So... How does you feel today?" A soothing voice from a man came from behind a desk that is across the couch. She looked at the man, a middle aged one with a starting hair loss can be seen. And she just doesn't like him.

A bit of memory flashing again.

"I don't know when it started. The delusion of being loved by him, a happy family we're not. With or without the child."
The sky gets darker and the wind blows harder, slapping her hair on her face. But she still not moving from her spot.

"I seem to be no longer human. I deny the feeling, his and mine. But I know exactly what made him changed to be so... Happy. And yet I don't want to admit it."
A rumble can be heard from the distance and the small boat is being played at by the waves.

"It's been... Very long... He held me in his arms and said he loved me. And I don't feel the same like I used to when he did those things to me." A tear escaped from her eyes. A tear when she no longer feel anything. Just one drop and nothing more.

"So... You do know why you are like that?" It was a statement and not a question. The man still waiting patiently for any response. Anything.

"Perhaps... It started from the end, when I used up all the love of a lifetime."

Now thunder is striking down in such fashion that no one else dares to challenge it by being out there. The ocean is going berserk now. And the woman find a determination now. Perhaps an answer.

"From the day I ran away from the reality, my heart is empty... Empty... And now, all is just too late."

She stand up on the rocking boat and no one ever saw her again. All that's left is just a small boat on the shore with no one on it in the next bright morning. The ocean is just a mute witness of what exactly happened on that stormy night.

Love you like a love song (song fic)

Why I always fell for his trick again and again? Didn’t I learn my lesson yet? And yet I always fumed like this  in the end.

I think it’s an addiction itself for me. To fall again and again, even though I don’t want to. Reluctantly, yet I myself step into the same scene again. Just like a movie or a song that goes on and on. Just because I keep on hitting the repeat button. Just like I keep on doing the same mistake.

Nothing can describe the way I feel about you. Boy you played through my mind like a symphony. Perhaps that one phrase is enough, because all day I only can think about you, what you’re doing, who you are with, whether you think about me too or is it just me.

I was drowned in my own world, but you suddenly come into my sight like a dream come alive. You just don’t realize that you saved my life. There’s no way to describe what you do to me. You just do to me, what you do.

While you drifted along your own stream, you saved me. And I’m hypnotized by the charm you show, whether you know or not. And I fell for your trick, though I know that’s what saved me and set me free. I want to save this memory forever and play it over again and again. Just like my favorite song. Just like a love song.

And I realize that… I love you. It’s just as simple as that.

(A song fic from: "I Love You Like A Love Song" by Selena Gomez)